my best friend
so my best friend is engaged, and i am super happy for her. at the same time though, i feel like im losing her a bit. this all kind of hit me tonight. she called me a month or so ago and asked if she could stay at my place while she was out here visiting her fiance, since he lives with all boys and i am by myself as my roommate is gone for the week. i was all for it since i havent seen her in forever. however, i also figured that she would be spending most of her time with him, so i wasnt counting on seeing her a lot. sadly, i did think i would see her more than i have. she was supposed to come over sun afternoon, but didnt come over til mon at 11pm. then, she left when i left on tues at 12, and i didnt see or hear from her til tonight at 830 when she walked in the door here. first of all, i have been trying to figure out if it is rude and inconsiderate of her to be out of contact for over 48 hours and not let me know whether or not she would be sleeping here the past couple nights, or if it is fantastic that she is not tied to her phone and email like i am. second, i realized that even when i am home for winter break, from here on out it wont be like it used to be when it comes to hanging out. this is because now he will always be there since he is essentially moving in with her after this semester. its not that i dont like the guy. honestly, i dont know him well enough to like or dislike him. granted, that might be part of my problem. i want dano happy, but she hasnt even known they guy for a year yet and they have been on opposite sides of the country since may. i have my doubts, but i am trying to be positive for her and i really just want her to be happy. back to the "it wont be the same anymore" thing. this came to me tonight when they came in, sat for a bit, then went back to the room and i havent seen them since. i have a feeling im going to be missing my best friend more than if we were just on opposite sides of the country from here on out. he doesnt know anyone in sd, so he will be going everywhere with her, which means if i wanna hang out with her, he will probably be there too. so im kind of bummed, as that realization hit me tonight. anyway, i doubt i will see much more of her this weekend, and i have a final on monday and fly home tuesday, so it will be what it will be. growing up and changing really sucks sometimes. sigh.
la mi migliore amica
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
dicembre
december
where did the year go? i look back and cant believe that 11 months have passed so quickly. so much has changed in my life, from my hopes and dreams to my reality.
a year ago i was planning on going to iwp, with some reservations, but hopeful because of the program i was going to be a part of. two months later i withdrew and was at a loss, not knowing what to do with myself. then i attended a graduate student day at au and was once again hopeful. i met some interesting people and the program seemed like it could work. so i had my school, but nothing to do because school didnt start for five more months. so, i started at gap, and that was that. easy money, though at times i still want to rip my hair out. i applied for internship after internship, and finally got one that starts in january. well, if i pass my background check that is. then school began and i heaved a huge sigh of relief as everything seemed to be clicking- classes, friends, and internships. i was accepted for another internship starting in the summer and going through the following fall, so it seemed like my life was set. then, this second internship kind of fell apart and i am once again feeling at a loss and unsure of what i am going to do. i had hoped that this second internship could lead to a job eventually, but now i think that is not an option, so i am wondering once again about the direction i want to take with my life and where i eventually want to work. essentially, a year has passed and while a lot has changed, it still feels like there has not been a lot of change as well, sigh.
i hope that a year from now i am a bit more settled in my hopes, dreams, and realities, and looking forward to the following year.
dicembre
where did the year go? i look back and cant believe that 11 months have passed so quickly. so much has changed in my life, from my hopes and dreams to my reality.
a year ago i was planning on going to iwp, with some reservations, but hopeful because of the program i was going to be a part of. two months later i withdrew and was at a loss, not knowing what to do with myself. then i attended a graduate student day at au and was once again hopeful. i met some interesting people and the program seemed like it could work. so i had my school, but nothing to do because school didnt start for five more months. so, i started at gap, and that was that. easy money, though at times i still want to rip my hair out. i applied for internship after internship, and finally got one that starts in january. well, if i pass my background check that is. then school began and i heaved a huge sigh of relief as everything seemed to be clicking- classes, friends, and internships. i was accepted for another internship starting in the summer and going through the following fall, so it seemed like my life was set. then, this second internship kind of fell apart and i am once again feeling at a loss and unsure of what i am going to do. i had hoped that this second internship could lead to a job eventually, but now i think that is not an option, so i am wondering once again about the direction i want to take with my life and where i eventually want to work. essentially, a year has passed and while a lot has changed, it still feels like there has not been a lot of change as well, sigh.
i hope that a year from now i am a bit more settled in my hopes, dreams, and realities, and looking forward to the following year.
dicembre
Monday, November 24, 2008
sei cose per monique :)
six things for monique :)
1. I hated my middle name when I was little, and I mean absolutely hated it. Its kind of sad, because now I see it as beautiful. I was named after my mom's grandmother, who passed away right before my mom found out she was pregnant with me. So Regina went to Regan, and my name became Michelle Regan.
2. There is one thing I refuse to do at any theme park, and that is a free fall. If any ride has any thing like a free fall in it, I will sit it out. I think it goes back to when I was 10 and at Disneyland. I wasn't feeling well and my family made me go on splash mountain anyway. Granted, that isnt a huge free fall or anything, but to my 10 year old mind it was. In any case, the next day we went to the doctor and it turns out my appendix was in the process of bursting inside of me, which is what led to my feeling so poorly. So now I associate feeling sick with free falls and refuse to do them.
3. I refuse to eat fish. Mo might be afraid of them, but I just cant eat them. Its not from some noble thing like being a vegetarian, but because I picture them flopping in the air, gasping, hoping to gt back into the water, and then essentially drowning on land. I feel bad for them and just cannot eat them. Then there is the issue that when you go to the market, they still look like fish, not just meat, so there is no waaaaay I could ever eat them. Yuck.
4. I was supposed to be a boy. All the way til the day I was born my parents thought they were getting a baby boy. My name was supposed to be James Matthew I think. So I went nameless for a while while they figured everything out.
5. I am addicted to books. I does not matter if I have read them once, never, or multiple times, I just have to have them. Right now I have at least 20 books on my shelf here in DC that I have not read, and that I dont plan to read for some time. Yet, I am still planning on going to Barnes and Noble tomorrow to pick up about three books. And this does not even count the books I have back in San Diego that I have read and have yet to read. I can't go to bed at night unless I have read a chapter in a book, but it has to be a book I have read before, otherwise I will stay up all night reading it. Oh books. They are such a problem for m wallet, but such a great thing for my mind.
6. My right foot is a complete mess. I dont know why, but if anything bad is going to happen to my feet, it always happens to my right foot. In 7th grade i jumped over my dog as he got up, knocking my legs out form under me, and I fell, slamming my right foot into the tile floor. It took 2 weeks for the swelling to go down enough for the doctors to realize I had completely torn the ligament in my ankle in half. So now it is healed, but it didnt heal exactly right since I walked on it for two weeks before I was put in a cast. This past summer (June 07), I was wearing heels and biking, not such an uncommon occurence at UCSB. Unfortunately, my bike seat was broken, so when my foot slipped off the pedal I had not seat to cathc me and down I went. This time I refused to see a doctor because I wanted to walk for graduation, and I did. Then, we went straight to the doctor in SD, where the x-ray technician laughed and showed me the piece of bone sticking out from my foot. Not good. The lecture from the doctor was not welcome either. Then, in August of this year, I slid on some loose gravel while walking from a friends house. I gave myself some nasty roadburn. I literally had a hole in my right foot and I could not wear anything resembling shoes for 3 weeks. You would think a dancer would be graceful...apparently not.
There you go :)
sei cose per monique
1. I hated my middle name when I was little, and I mean absolutely hated it. Its kind of sad, because now I see it as beautiful. I was named after my mom's grandmother, who passed away right before my mom found out she was pregnant with me. So Regina went to Regan, and my name became Michelle Regan.
2. There is one thing I refuse to do at any theme park, and that is a free fall. If any ride has any thing like a free fall in it, I will sit it out. I think it goes back to when I was 10 and at Disneyland. I wasn't feeling well and my family made me go on splash mountain anyway. Granted, that isnt a huge free fall or anything, but to my 10 year old mind it was. In any case, the next day we went to the doctor and it turns out my appendix was in the process of bursting inside of me, which is what led to my feeling so poorly. So now I associate feeling sick with free falls and refuse to do them.
3. I refuse to eat fish. Mo might be afraid of them, but I just cant eat them. Its not from some noble thing like being a vegetarian, but because I picture them flopping in the air, gasping, hoping to gt back into the water, and then essentially drowning on land. I feel bad for them and just cannot eat them. Then there is the issue that when you go to the market, they still look like fish, not just meat, so there is no waaaaay I could ever eat them. Yuck.
4. I was supposed to be a boy. All the way til the day I was born my parents thought they were getting a baby boy. My name was supposed to be James Matthew I think. So I went nameless for a while while they figured everything out.
5. I am addicted to books. I does not matter if I have read them once, never, or multiple times, I just have to have them. Right now I have at least 20 books on my shelf here in DC that I have not read, and that I dont plan to read for some time. Yet, I am still planning on going to Barnes and Noble tomorrow to pick up about three books. And this does not even count the books I have back in San Diego that I have read and have yet to read. I can't go to bed at night unless I have read a chapter in a book, but it has to be a book I have read before, otherwise I will stay up all night reading it. Oh books. They are such a problem for m wallet, but such a great thing for my mind.
6. My right foot is a complete mess. I dont know why, but if anything bad is going to happen to my feet, it always happens to my right foot. In 7th grade i jumped over my dog as he got up, knocking my legs out form under me, and I fell, slamming my right foot into the tile floor. It took 2 weeks for the swelling to go down enough for the doctors to realize I had completely torn the ligament in my ankle in half. So now it is healed, but it didnt heal exactly right since I walked on it for two weeks before I was put in a cast. This past summer (June 07), I was wearing heels and biking, not such an uncommon occurence at UCSB. Unfortunately, my bike seat was broken, so when my foot slipped off the pedal I had not seat to cathc me and down I went. This time I refused to see a doctor because I wanted to walk for graduation, and I did. Then, we went straight to the doctor in SD, where the x-ray technician laughed and showed me the piece of bone sticking out from my foot. Not good. The lecture from the doctor was not welcome either. Then, in August of this year, I slid on some loose gravel while walking from a friends house. I gave myself some nasty roadburn. I literally had a hole in my right foot and I could not wear anything resembling shoes for 3 weeks. You would think a dancer would be graceful...apparently not.
There you go :)
sei cose per monique
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
nieve
snow!!!
today it snowed. well, it was more like little flurries, but white stuff was falling from the sky and sticking to my gloves and coat. how freaking cool. i hope i never lose my childlike appreciation for the snow, because as of now, I love it.
nieve
today it snowed. well, it was more like little flurries, but white stuff was falling from the sky and sticking to my gloves and coat. how freaking cool. i hope i never lose my childlike appreciation for the snow, because as of now, I love it.
nieve
Saturday, November 15, 2008
le carte
papers
so right now i am in the middle of my first research paper for graduate school. i suppose its going well, but to be honest, who knows? it is due on thursday and i cant even say how far i am or how much is left to do because there is no requirement. its just research and write about it. its kind of neat, but when its 50 percent of your grade, its also kind of worrisome.
in any event, i guess what i really wanted to muse about is how sometimes as i am proofreading my writing, or looking over an assignment that is handed back to me, im shocked that the words on the page came from me. its a good feeling, but weird at the same time. i just read it and go, "wow, that came from my brain, through my fingers, and on to the page? shocking!" i dont know why its so surpsing, but it is. i guess the good news is that im never like, "shit. that was terrible. what were you thinking?" so all in all, its a good thing i think. anyway, i have already had a moment of pleasant surprise on this paper, and i hope i only have a few more of those, and not any panic abou finishing or having a crappy paper.
back to work!
le carte
so right now i am in the middle of my first research paper for graduate school. i suppose its going well, but to be honest, who knows? it is due on thursday and i cant even say how far i am or how much is left to do because there is no requirement. its just research and write about it. its kind of neat, but when its 50 percent of your grade, its also kind of worrisome.
in any event, i guess what i really wanted to muse about is how sometimes as i am proofreading my writing, or looking over an assignment that is handed back to me, im shocked that the words on the page came from me. its a good feeling, but weird at the same time. i just read it and go, "wow, that came from my brain, through my fingers, and on to the page? shocking!" i dont know why its so surpsing, but it is. i guess the good news is that im never like, "shit. that was terrible. what were you thinking?" so all in all, its a good thing i think. anyway, i have already had a moment of pleasant surprise on this paper, and i hope i only have a few more of those, and not any panic abou finishing or having a crappy paper.
back to work!
le carte
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
SO HAPPY
Obama is going to be our next president and i couldnt be happier.
I feel like our standing in the world just jumped up 110% and that we are finally on the right path.
Im so proud to be an american right now, and one who voted for the man who will be our leader. And I am so happy to say that I will be working for his government come January. Life could not be sweeter right now.
"We are and always will be the United States of America" -Obama
SO HAPPY!
I feel like our standing in the world just jumped up 110% and that we are finally on the right path.
Im so proud to be an american right now, and one who voted for the man who will be our leader. And I am so happy to say that I will be working for his government come January. Life could not be sweeter right now.
"We are and always will be the United States of America" -Obama
SO HAPPY!
Saturday, November 1, 2008
le feste
the holidays
so, its coming upon that time of year that i cant decide if i love or loath.
first up is halloween. or i guess i should say was. maybe im growing up or maybe im just a lame hermit, but i was not interested in really doing anything this year. my roommate had some friends over, and by some i mean about 20. i knew maybe 5 people, so i talked with them, but im kind of shy with people i dont know, sigh. anyway, after they left i was planning on staying in, but i got convinced to go to the tombs, the college bar here in georgetown. it was a nice hour hanging out, and i didnt feel out of place or anything, but im kind of just over it all. i feel like im at the awkward stage where the keg parties are lame, but im not grown up enough to have a solid dinner/wine party, whatever that may be, lol. in any case, halloween is now over and its on the the next holiday, thanksgiving.
this will be my 3rd thanksgiving in a row away from home, and im not quite sure how i feel about that. in a way i am bummed because its a family holiday and i want to be with people i love and care about. in another way its a relief because i dont have to worry about which parent i am having it with. i almsot feel that if i had a significant other it would be easier, but i dont know. maybe i just think that bc i dont really know. sigh.
chanukkah is coming up soon too. and christmas of course. im not sure what to do for friends bc i havent been hanging out with anyone in cali, so do they expect presents? and the people here i havent known that long, so it might be a bit awkward to give them presents, and there really are not that many to give presents to here anyway, lol. plus, ive been thinking about money lately, and the fact that while i may have 2 awesome internships lined up, i wont be making any money for the next year and a half. scary thought. so while i want to give stuff, i also want to save my money too.
and that brings me to my next issue, which is housing. i have no idea what i am going to do. a lot of it hinges on lee catherine, but she hasnt told me anything yet. i am in the process of looking around, but everything is so much smaller and/or more expensive than what i have now, so i think it would be insane to move. plus, i have a list that i think it impossible to fulfill, lol. i want to be close to a market, close to a metro, in a city-like area, and be able to have a cat. im not sure that exists. so in between school and work and going through security stuff for my internships, i have to worry about this too. sigh.
ugh, so much going on. and i guess i better gear up for more, bc life is only going to get crazier.
le feste
so, its coming upon that time of year that i cant decide if i love or loath.
first up is halloween. or i guess i should say was. maybe im growing up or maybe im just a lame hermit, but i was not interested in really doing anything this year. my roommate had some friends over, and by some i mean about 20. i knew maybe 5 people, so i talked with them, but im kind of shy with people i dont know, sigh. anyway, after they left i was planning on staying in, but i got convinced to go to the tombs, the college bar here in georgetown. it was a nice hour hanging out, and i didnt feel out of place or anything, but im kind of just over it all. i feel like im at the awkward stage where the keg parties are lame, but im not grown up enough to have a solid dinner/wine party, whatever that may be, lol. in any case, halloween is now over and its on the the next holiday, thanksgiving.
this will be my 3rd thanksgiving in a row away from home, and im not quite sure how i feel about that. in a way i am bummed because its a family holiday and i want to be with people i love and care about. in another way its a relief because i dont have to worry about which parent i am having it with. i almsot feel that if i had a significant other it would be easier, but i dont know. maybe i just think that bc i dont really know. sigh.
chanukkah is coming up soon too. and christmas of course. im not sure what to do for friends bc i havent been hanging out with anyone in cali, so do they expect presents? and the people here i havent known that long, so it might be a bit awkward to give them presents, and there really are not that many to give presents to here anyway, lol. plus, ive been thinking about money lately, and the fact that while i may have 2 awesome internships lined up, i wont be making any money for the next year and a half. scary thought. so while i want to give stuff, i also want to save my money too.
and that brings me to my next issue, which is housing. i have no idea what i am going to do. a lot of it hinges on lee catherine, but she hasnt told me anything yet. i am in the process of looking around, but everything is so much smaller and/or more expensive than what i have now, so i think it would be insane to move. plus, i have a list that i think it impossible to fulfill, lol. i want to be close to a market, close to a metro, in a city-like area, and be able to have a cat. im not sure that exists. so in between school and work and going through security stuff for my internships, i have to worry about this too. sigh.
ugh, so much going on. and i guess i better gear up for more, bc life is only going to get crazier.
le feste
Sunday, October 12, 2008
wow
how exciting, my part of the national debt is $86,000.
how do you take a surplus and turn it into this? of yeah, just ask good old george. idiot. and the really sad thing is the sign is actually out of room and they had to create a make-shift dollar sign to put in the same square as the "1." what is this country coming to? sigh.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
la vita è migliore
life is better
so i disappeared for a while bc life sucks.
first, my computer died because the hard drive was messed up. unfortunately, it took multiple days to diagnose the problem, and then multiple days to fix. so, i was without a computer for about a week. man, was that a looooong week.
then, for one of my classes, i was stressing out like you wouldnt believe because of a research paper. i picked a crazy topic and couldnt find any sources and had no idea what i was going to do, especially since our research approach is due this week. so today i emailed my professor and asked to change to a new topic, and he was ridiculously cool about it, so i am a much happier person now.
i also have a debate this week, and we all know how much i looooove public speaking. ugh. but, andrew and i are pretty well prepared, so im not toooo worried about it.
also on the positive side, today i was walking back from barnes an noble, one of my favorite stores as we all know, and there was heat lightening, which is so cool. Then, right after I got home it started pouring. And the reason this was fabulous is because a) i love the rain b) i was safe and warm inside and c) i had my computer in my backpack and it didnt get wet, woohoo.
im kind of over writing now, so i suppose thats it for a quick update on my life.
la vita è migliore
so i disappeared for a while bc life sucks.
first, my computer died because the hard drive was messed up. unfortunately, it took multiple days to diagnose the problem, and then multiple days to fix. so, i was without a computer for about a week. man, was that a looooong week.
then, for one of my classes, i was stressing out like you wouldnt believe because of a research paper. i picked a crazy topic and couldnt find any sources and had no idea what i was going to do, especially since our research approach is due this week. so today i emailed my professor and asked to change to a new topic, and he was ridiculously cool about it, so i am a much happier person now.
i also have a debate this week, and we all know how much i looooove public speaking. ugh. but, andrew and i are pretty well prepared, so im not toooo worried about it.
also on the positive side, today i was walking back from barnes an noble, one of my favorite stores as we all know, and there was heat lightening, which is so cool. Then, right after I got home it started pouring. And the reason this was fabulous is because a) i love the rain b) i was safe and warm inside and c) i had my computer in my backpack and it didnt get wet, woohoo.
im kind of over writing now, so i suppose thats it for a quick update on my life.
la vita è migliore
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
contatto degli occhi
eye contact
so today i worked for a ridiculously long time. however, there was one highlight. this guy was walking down the stairs as i was walking to the cash register, and we made eye contact right before i turned away. then, as i got to the register, i looked back at him, and he looked back at me, and i got this tingle in my chest and it was super weird, but kind of cool at the same time. its those kinds of instances that make me believe in there being a someone out there for me.
contatto degli occhi
so today i worked for a ridiculously long time. however, there was one highlight. this guy was walking down the stairs as i was walking to the cash register, and we made eye contact right before i turned away. then, as i got to the register, i looked back at him, and he looked back at me, and i got this tingle in my chest and it was super weird, but kind of cool at the same time. its those kinds of instances that make me believe in there being a someone out there for me.
contatto degli occhi
Saturday, September 6, 2008
la tempesta
storm
so i survived my first tropical storm. out in california, not only do we not get rain often, but we dont get anything related to hurricanes or tropical storms. So this was pretty fun. there were times i couldnt see rosslyn across the river from my living room window. i checked before i left for work, and we have gotten over 3.7 inches of rain in the past 24 hours...crazy! even more crazy, is that i enjoyed it :)
la tempesta
so i survived my first tropical storm. out in california, not only do we not get rain often, but we dont get anything related to hurricanes or tropical storms. So this was pretty fun. there were times i couldnt see rosslyn across the river from my living room window. i checked before i left for work, and we have gotten over 3.7 inches of rain in the past 24 hours...crazy! even more crazy, is that i enjoyed it :)
la tempesta
Monday, September 1, 2008
la scuola
school
so i am a student once again, woohoo! i have had all of my classes, and i think i am really going to enjoy this semester. my first class is a research class, which is no big deal. the professor is super cool, and has done research in capital punishment and wrongful convictions, which is super interesting to me. the only main thing for this class is a research proposal. there is reading of course, but the proposal is the big deal, and im not quite sure what i want it to be on. The second class is on controversial issues in justice and public policy. for that class we are focusing on immigration, capital punishment, homelessness, and drug legalization. it should be pretty cool, though the reading so far has been terrible, and we will have to do a debate. i am so not excted for that. in any case, im doing the debate with andrew, a guy i met on the graduate student day and hit it off with. too bad he has a gf, lol. i also have my third class with him, its a seminar in policing. i am super excited for this class bc i think i will learn a lot and that most of it will be practical. there is also no midterm or final, just a research paper and participation. and the cool thing about the paper is that it can be whatever topic we want, as long as it relates to policing, so i think i am going to do mine on the csi effect, though im not sure how im going to frame it. anyway, im still excited for this semester and class, and i have a ton of reading to do. of course i am procrastinating, but it will all get done. i even bought this super comfy chair and moved my furniture around so i have a sweet little reading corner. i love it. :)
in other news, what i was going to say over a week ago before i was interrupted by my sad news, is that i got another internship at the state dept, and i am super excited about it bc i got my first choice in placement. anyway, it doesnt start until january, and i have decided not to try to find another internship for this semester, because i want to just see how my first semester as a grad student goes.
i think thats all for now, but happy september and yay for school. :)
la scuola
so i am a student once again, woohoo! i have had all of my classes, and i think i am really going to enjoy this semester. my first class is a research class, which is no big deal. the professor is super cool, and has done research in capital punishment and wrongful convictions, which is super interesting to me. the only main thing for this class is a research proposal. there is reading of course, but the proposal is the big deal, and im not quite sure what i want it to be on. The second class is on controversial issues in justice and public policy. for that class we are focusing on immigration, capital punishment, homelessness, and drug legalization. it should be pretty cool, though the reading so far has been terrible, and we will have to do a debate. i am so not excted for that. in any case, im doing the debate with andrew, a guy i met on the graduate student day and hit it off with. too bad he has a gf, lol. i also have my third class with him, its a seminar in policing. i am super excited for this class bc i think i will learn a lot and that most of it will be practical. there is also no midterm or final, just a research paper and participation. and the cool thing about the paper is that it can be whatever topic we want, as long as it relates to policing, so i think i am going to do mine on the csi effect, though im not sure how im going to frame it. anyway, im still excited for this semester and class, and i have a ton of reading to do. of course i am procrastinating, but it will all get done. i even bought this super comfy chair and moved my furniture around so i have a sweet little reading corner. i love it. :)
in other news, what i was going to say over a week ago before i was interrupted by my sad news, is that i got another internship at the state dept, and i am super excited about it bc i got my first choice in placement. anyway, it doesnt start until january, and i have decided not to try to find another internship for this semester, because i want to just see how my first semester as a grad student goes.
i think thats all for now, but happy september and yay for school. :)
la scuola
Saturday, August 16, 2008
notizie
news
so on thursday i got some great news, and some terrible news. i was sitting at the train station waiting for my train to come and i called mom to check in. my uncle was diagnosed with multiple myeloma last january. this is basically a cancer of the blood. it can never be cured, but it can go into remission. when i last saw unky in april, it seemed like he had lost some weight, but otherwise he was still himself. unfortunately, when i saw him this past week, the situation had completely changed. he was weak, had lost a ton of weight, and when i hugged him, he felt lik skin and bones. on top of that, mentally, he just wasnt the same. this brings me to thursday morning. i was sitting at the station, when mom told me that they had decided to stop fighting and that he only has a couple weeks, if that to live. so there i am, crying at the train station, feeling so many things its impossible to explain. when mom and i moved to sd from la in 1990, he was my father figure. we had dinner with both my uncle and aunt every sunday; he taught me how to throw a ball as well as how to kick a soccer ball; he helped me build everything from the solar system to a mission to a medieval castle to my history day projects; he was an integral part of my childhood. so now i am back in dc, and i literally just got the news that he passed away in the middle of writing this all out. i came back yesterday and he died today. why. all i can ask is why.
i had more to write, but now im not in any mood to.
notizie
so on thursday i got some great news, and some terrible news. i was sitting at the train station waiting for my train to come and i called mom to check in. my uncle was diagnosed with multiple myeloma last january. this is basically a cancer of the blood. it can never be cured, but it can go into remission. when i last saw unky in april, it seemed like he had lost some weight, but otherwise he was still himself. unfortunately, when i saw him this past week, the situation had completely changed. he was weak, had lost a ton of weight, and when i hugged him, he felt lik skin and bones. on top of that, mentally, he just wasnt the same. this brings me to thursday morning. i was sitting at the station, when mom told me that they had decided to stop fighting and that he only has a couple weeks, if that to live. so there i am, crying at the train station, feeling so many things its impossible to explain. when mom and i moved to sd from la in 1990, he was my father figure. we had dinner with both my uncle and aunt every sunday; he taught me how to throw a ball as well as how to kick a soccer ball; he helped me build everything from the solar system to a mission to a medieval castle to my history day projects; he was an integral part of my childhood. so now i am back in dc, and i literally just got the news that he passed away in the middle of writing this all out. i came back yesterday and he died today. why. all i can ask is why.
i had more to write, but now im not in any mood to.
notizie
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
La Vita
Life
I have been thinking lately a lot about life and all the different turns we take.
First off, my uncle has Multiple Cell Myeloma. In other words, he has cancer of the blood. I have seen him a couple times on this trip home, and he does not resemble the guy who taught me to play catch or kick a soccer ball anymore, and it breaks my heart. He is like a skeleton of his former self, all skin and bones, and his pain medication means that his mind isn’t all there anymore either. I don’t know how much longer he has left, and it is just so sad that such a great guy if being forced to suffer through this disease. There is always the hope that he goes into remission, so I am keeping my fingers crossed.
Anther thing that got me thinking was that on the drive to visit my grandmother on Saturday, and today again on the train, I went through Camp Pendleton, the marine base, and I saw a little tent city that seems to be a training camp of sorts for Afghanistan/ Iraq. I also saw them training a bit, and heard some war games the other day. Its so odd that it takes coming home, to San Diego, to feel more about what is going on than living in the Capitol does. It just brings it home how real the War is and that people are dying every day.
I have also been thinking a lot about friendships in the past couple weeks. Last year I was a bit upset when my birthday came and went and people who I thought I was important to didn’t acknowledge it at all. This year, instead of getting my hopes up, I was pleasantly surprised when random people I haven’t talked to in years wished me a happy day. Granted, they only remembered because they saw it on facebook, but it still doesn’t take away from the fact that they took the time out of their days to say hello; especially when certain other people managed to miss my day again. All in all, it was a good day, and it ended with some good people (Dano, Justin, and Esteban). Then there is Alexandra. I really have no idea why we are still friends, lol. We have next to nothing in common, and in fact, are opposites in everything; we never see each other, except for 3 hour lunches once every couple months; we are terrible at keeping up with email and phone calls. Yet, there are never any awkward pauses in conversation, we talk about everything form politics to friends to family, and though I am exasperated by her and do not understand a lot of her choices, I think we will always be friends.
I am on my way to spend a couple days with Dad, which will be nice since I haven’t seen him since February I think it was. I miss him. We used to talk every night on the phone, and then I went to college, lol. I need to be better about that. Part of it is laziness, not going to lie, but the other part is the time difference and busy lives. In any case, I am looking forward to a couple days in his company before heading back to DC, though I am bummed I don’t get to spend more time with my friends. Such is life.
La Vita
I have been thinking lately a lot about life and all the different turns we take.
First off, my uncle has Multiple Cell Myeloma. In other words, he has cancer of the blood. I have seen him a couple times on this trip home, and he does not resemble the guy who taught me to play catch or kick a soccer ball anymore, and it breaks my heart. He is like a skeleton of his former self, all skin and bones, and his pain medication means that his mind isn’t all there anymore either. I don’t know how much longer he has left, and it is just so sad that such a great guy if being forced to suffer through this disease. There is always the hope that he goes into remission, so I am keeping my fingers crossed.
Anther thing that got me thinking was that on the drive to visit my grandmother on Saturday, and today again on the train, I went through Camp Pendleton, the marine base, and I saw a little tent city that seems to be a training camp of sorts for Afghanistan/ Iraq. I also saw them training a bit, and heard some war games the other day. Its so odd that it takes coming home, to San Diego, to feel more about what is going on than living in the Capitol does. It just brings it home how real the War is and that people are dying every day.
I have also been thinking a lot about friendships in the past couple weeks. Last year I was a bit upset when my birthday came and went and people who I thought I was important to didn’t acknowledge it at all. This year, instead of getting my hopes up, I was pleasantly surprised when random people I haven’t talked to in years wished me a happy day. Granted, they only remembered because they saw it on facebook, but it still doesn’t take away from the fact that they took the time out of their days to say hello; especially when certain other people managed to miss my day again. All in all, it was a good day, and it ended with some good people (Dano, Justin, and Esteban). Then there is Alexandra. I really have no idea why we are still friends, lol. We have next to nothing in common, and in fact, are opposites in everything; we never see each other, except for 3 hour lunches once every couple months; we are terrible at keeping up with email and phone calls. Yet, there are never any awkward pauses in conversation, we talk about everything form politics to friends to family, and though I am exasperated by her and do not understand a lot of her choices, I think we will always be friends.
I am on my way to spend a couple days with Dad, which will be nice since I haven’t seen him since February I think it was. I miss him. We used to talk every night on the phone, and then I went to college, lol. I need to be better about that. Part of it is laziness, not going to lie, but the other part is the time difference and busy lives. In any case, I am looking forward to a couple days in his company before heading back to DC, though I am bummed I don’t get to spend more time with my friends. Such is life.
La Vita
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
stella di film
movie star
i have a new movie star crush...
Matthew Goode
so freaking cute
stella di film
i have a new movie star crush...
Matthew Goode
so freaking cute
stella di film
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Cal-if-orn-i-a
California
Home sweet home am I, though the sweet part is debatable. Yesterday was my flight and it was interesting, as flying always is. my first flight was from DC to Dallas, and apparently someone was having an anxiety attack or something, bc when we got to Dallas, the captain came on and told us emt's were coming on the plane before we could get off. So that was a bit of an adventure. Then, my connecting flight to SD was at least 30 min late bc of an overhead bin hanging in the aisle. So that was fun.
Today was fun too. I got to hang out with Dano. :) She is one of my favorite people, and I realized today that we are almost at our 9 year anniversary of being friends. :) Hard to believe that it has been that long, but at the same time its hard to believe that it hasnt been longer. She is definitely the best thing that came out of high school for me; a life-long friend.
I do have some tentative plans for my time at home, and we shall see how much of it actually happens. There are some people I really want to see, and others who I dont really care about, lol.
One thing I have already been happy to experience is the weather. I sat outside waiting for Dano today (since my car wouldnt start) and I was amazed at the lack of humidity. The fact that I could sit outside and not immediately start sweating or feel like I was in a sauna. Man I love it here. :)
Cal-if-orn-i-a
Home sweet home am I, though the sweet part is debatable. Yesterday was my flight and it was interesting, as flying always is. my first flight was from DC to Dallas, and apparently someone was having an anxiety attack or something, bc when we got to Dallas, the captain came on and told us emt's were coming on the plane before we could get off. So that was a bit of an adventure. Then, my connecting flight to SD was at least 30 min late bc of an overhead bin hanging in the aisle. So that was fun.
Today was fun too. I got to hang out with Dano. :) She is one of my favorite people, and I realized today that we are almost at our 9 year anniversary of being friends. :) Hard to believe that it has been that long, but at the same time its hard to believe that it hasnt been longer. She is definitely the best thing that came out of high school for me; a life-long friend.
I do have some tentative plans for my time at home, and we shall see how much of it actually happens. There are some people I really want to see, and others who I dont really care about, lol.
One thing I have already been happy to experience is the weather. I sat outside waiting for Dano today (since my car wouldnt start) and I was amazed at the lack of humidity. The fact that I could sit outside and not immediately start sweating or feel like I was in a sauna. Man I love it here. :)
Cal-if-orn-i-a
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
beisbol
baseball
i am so upset with my team right now. they just traded my favorite player away. why, i dont know. he has a better average than the guy they traded him for, and while he has hit less home runs, he has been on a tear lately and has a career high so far, with the year only half over. and they are both lefties with my guy having far superior defense. arg. this makes no sense. im so freaking sad.
goodbye casey kotchman...
hello mark teixiera...
beisbol
i am so upset with my team right now. they just traded my favorite player away. why, i dont know. he has a better average than the guy they traded him for, and while he has hit less home runs, he has been on a tear lately and has a career high so far, with the year only half over. and they are both lefties with my guy having far superior defense. arg. this makes no sense. im so freaking sad.
goodbye casey kotchman...
hello mark teixiera...
beisbol
una settimana...
one week...
...til i am home sweet home. i am pretty excited about this particular trip as i havent been home since mid april, and while i wouldnt say i am homesick, i do miss my dog and the beach. i also am happy i wont have to spend my birthday alone here in dc. i am sad though, because i dont think that i will be able to see any of my college friends. granted, i havent seen my old roommates in over a year, but its sad that we dont keep in touch better bc i truly do miss them and the easy camaraderie we once had. at the same time though, since i went abroad in summer of 2006, i feel like they have all continued as good friends and that i am a bit out of the loop. its just a weird situation of sorts.
while on the topic of friends, justin came out to visit this past weekend, so that was a nice preview of coming home. being a hostess is a bit exhausting though, especially when the person doesnt really care, but you know kinda does, and also doesnt have a list of things to do. in a city like dc, there is so much to do that you have to kind of have a general idea/plan. yeah, well, there was no such plan. so, i took him to the zoo, the monuments, the museums, throughout georgetown, and to the waterfront. i think he had a good time, and i got to see someone from hs who came down to dc to see him while he was visiting, and through that other high school friend, i met a couple guys who live in the area, so mb something will come of that. im not getting my hopes up though, bc when ever i do, they get kicked to the ground and stomped all over.
anyway, i have a countdown going in my mind for going home and starting school, and we have reached the one week and four week mark. how exciting. :)
una settimana...
...til i am home sweet home. i am pretty excited about this particular trip as i havent been home since mid april, and while i wouldnt say i am homesick, i do miss my dog and the beach. i also am happy i wont have to spend my birthday alone here in dc. i am sad though, because i dont think that i will be able to see any of my college friends. granted, i havent seen my old roommates in over a year, but its sad that we dont keep in touch better bc i truly do miss them and the easy camaraderie we once had. at the same time though, since i went abroad in summer of 2006, i feel like they have all continued as good friends and that i am a bit out of the loop. its just a weird situation of sorts.
while on the topic of friends, justin came out to visit this past weekend, so that was a nice preview of coming home. being a hostess is a bit exhausting though, especially when the person doesnt really care, but you know kinda does, and also doesnt have a list of things to do. in a city like dc, there is so much to do that you have to kind of have a general idea/plan. yeah, well, there was no such plan. so, i took him to the zoo, the monuments, the museums, throughout georgetown, and to the waterfront. i think he had a good time, and i got to see someone from hs who came down to dc to see him while he was visiting, and through that other high school friend, i met a couple guys who live in the area, so mb something will come of that. im not getting my hopes up though, bc when ever i do, they get kicked to the ground and stomped all over.
anyway, i have a countdown going in my mind for going home and starting school, and we have reached the one week and four week mark. how exciting. :)
una settimana...
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
pensieri casuali
random thoughts
so i was thinking today about friendships. there are people who i never see or talk to anymore who i still consider close friends. that seems kind of odd, but at the same time, when we do talk or see each other it is just like no time at all has passed. then there are the people i once thought i would always be friends with who i havent spoken with in years. that is a little disheartening and makes me think about who did what and why we grew apart and if we were ever as good of friends as i imagined we were. and then we get to my coworkers. i seriously enjoy (most of) their company at work, though i have yet to hang out with any of them outside of the store. it is also somewhat odd because there is such a high turnover in retail. as soon as i start to get friendly with someone, they leave, lol. some have stayed however, and i really do like these people. it just still feels transitory. odd, very odd.
another random thought has to do with crushes. michelle has a new crush, woohoo, haha. he is a coworker who is seriously cute, though totally opposite of what i usually go for. instead of tall with dark hair, he is only a bit taller than me and is blond, though he has a buzz cut going. sigh. haha. in any case, its one more reason to enjoy going to work when i usually dread stepping foot in the store.
i started and finished a 3 book series a week or so ago, and it is so different than anything i have ever read before. well, kinda. everyone knows im a nora roberts fan, but i am not a huge paranormal/sci-fi person, which is what this series is, so, i completely ignored it when this series came out. i recently decided to try it though, and i was totally hooked. i never understood why people read books about vampires, but i have to admit i kinda got a crush on one of the main characters in this book who is a vampire. he was tall, dark, handsome, brooding, damaged, mysterious... everything a girl could want. i kinda want to look into more books of this type, but we shall see. in the mean time, ill keep dreaming of the vampire, lol.
i was also thinking of names for the kids i one day hope to have. i am really fond of irish names i have found. i just like how they are old world and kind of mysterious, but full of meaning. i also like hebrew names though, so we shall see where that goes.
on another note, definitely, maybe is a seriously cute movie.
ok, i think im done with the random stuff for now.
pensieri casuali
so i was thinking today about friendships. there are people who i never see or talk to anymore who i still consider close friends. that seems kind of odd, but at the same time, when we do talk or see each other it is just like no time at all has passed. then there are the people i once thought i would always be friends with who i havent spoken with in years. that is a little disheartening and makes me think about who did what and why we grew apart and if we were ever as good of friends as i imagined we were. and then we get to my coworkers. i seriously enjoy (most of) their company at work, though i have yet to hang out with any of them outside of the store. it is also somewhat odd because there is such a high turnover in retail. as soon as i start to get friendly with someone, they leave, lol. some have stayed however, and i really do like these people. it just still feels transitory. odd, very odd.
another random thought has to do with crushes. michelle has a new crush, woohoo, haha. he is a coworker who is seriously cute, though totally opposite of what i usually go for. instead of tall with dark hair, he is only a bit taller than me and is blond, though he has a buzz cut going. sigh. haha. in any case, its one more reason to enjoy going to work when i usually dread stepping foot in the store.
i started and finished a 3 book series a week or so ago, and it is so different than anything i have ever read before. well, kinda. everyone knows im a nora roberts fan, but i am not a huge paranormal/sci-fi person, which is what this series is, so, i completely ignored it when this series came out. i recently decided to try it though, and i was totally hooked. i never understood why people read books about vampires, but i have to admit i kinda got a crush on one of the main characters in this book who is a vampire. he was tall, dark, handsome, brooding, damaged, mysterious... everything a girl could want. i kinda want to look into more books of this type, but we shall see. in the mean time, ill keep dreaming of the vampire, lol.
i was also thinking of names for the kids i one day hope to have. i am really fond of irish names i have found. i just like how they are old world and kind of mysterious, but full of meaning. i also like hebrew names though, so we shall see where that goes.
on another note, definitely, maybe is a seriously cute movie.
ok, i think im done with the random stuff for now.
pensieri casuali
Saturday, July 5, 2008
il quattro di luglio
the 4th of july
notes to self...
- never go to the fourth of july festivities with a group of people that splits up less than 2 hours before the show
- never go to the fourth of july festivities with someone who happens to be on shrooms
- never go to the fourth of july festivities with a huge bag of supplies that may not be used
- never plan something with someone who doesnt stick to plans
- dont go to a bar with someone underage if you arent really planning to drink bc his id will be taken
- find a better place to watch the fireworks if it is pouring rain
- not everyone knows where the washington monument is...especially if they are drunk
so next year will be better...i hope. not that this year wasnt fun, bc it was, but it could have been so much better. then again, i seem to always get my hopes up for holidays, and i always end up disappointed. in any case, it was memorable, an thats all one can ask, right?
il quattro di luglio
notes to self...
- never go to the fourth of july festivities with a group of people that splits up less than 2 hours before the show
- never go to the fourth of july festivities with someone who happens to be on shrooms
- never go to the fourth of july festivities with a huge bag of supplies that may not be used
- never plan something with someone who doesnt stick to plans
- dont go to a bar with someone underage if you arent really planning to drink bc his id will be taken
- find a better place to watch the fireworks if it is pouring rain
- not everyone knows where the washington monument is...especially if they are drunk
so next year will be better...i hope. not that this year wasnt fun, bc it was, but it could have been so much better. then again, i seem to always get my hopes up for holidays, and i always end up disappointed. in any case, it was memorable, an thats all one can ask, right?
il quattro di luglio
Thursday, July 3, 2008
dolore
pain
there are times i really hate myself, such as that night over a year ago now when i slipped off my bike, fell to the ground, and broke my foot. you would think that a year later everything would be hunky dory and it wouldnt hurt anymore, but you would be wrong. i have days where i dont even think about it, and then days like today when every step i take (anyone else hearing "every breath i take" in their heads?) is painful and makes me want to sit with my foot up, tylenol in my blood, and nothing to do for at least an hour.
i want to get back in to running, and with my foot feeling like this, i am freaking scared to run bc i dont want to break it again. freaking a. i wish i could just cut off my foot, then there wouldnt be any pain at all...though knowing my luck id have phantom pain in a foot that wasnt really even there.
ok, enough complaining, im going to have a margarita.
dolore
there are times i really hate myself, such as that night over a year ago now when i slipped off my bike, fell to the ground, and broke my foot. you would think that a year later everything would be hunky dory and it wouldnt hurt anymore, but you would be wrong. i have days where i dont even think about it, and then days like today when every step i take (anyone else hearing "every breath i take" in their heads?) is painful and makes me want to sit with my foot up, tylenol in my blood, and nothing to do for at least an hour.
i want to get back in to running, and with my foot feeling like this, i am freaking scared to run bc i dont want to break it again. freaking a. i wish i could just cut off my foot, then there wouldnt be any pain at all...though knowing my luck id have phantom pain in a foot that wasnt really even there.
ok, enough complaining, im going to have a margarita.
dolore
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
la gente è stupida
people are stupid.
working in retail, i see this every day, and i have come to the conclusion that it doesnt matter where you are from or how much education you have, i still probably think you are stupid if you ask me stupid questions. so, wise up, pay attention, and shut the heck up.
la gente è stupida
working in retail, i see this every day, and i have come to the conclusion that it doesnt matter where you are from or how much education you have, i still probably think you are stupid if you ask me stupid questions. so, wise up, pay attention, and shut the heck up.
la gente è stupida
Monday, June 30, 2008
la spiaggia
the beach
so today we (ethan, lee catherine, adam, and i) went to Bethany Beach in Delaware. Now this place was pretty cute, but the whole day was quite the experience.
we were supposed to get up at 7 since its a three hour drive, but we ended up leaving around 9 because no one but me actually woke up, lol. in any case, we then began our long drive to the beach. it was such an experience because im used to either walking down to the beach, or driving less than 20 min to get there. here, you have to completely plan it out, drive through states, and take an entire day.
in any case, we got on our way, with the boys in the front, and an argument on directions...big surprise. so we finally make our way out of dc, through maryland, and into delaware. as adam said, it is amazing to me that the state of delaware has representation in congress and dc doesnt, bc delaware is a whole lot of nothing. i mean, i would never want to live there. everything is so far apart and, i dont know, hokey looking. it made me realize how much of a city/cali girl i am, lol.
so we get to the beach, go and get some beer, pick up some burgers and fries, and and actually walk on the boardwalk (a real boardwalk! shocking, i know) and down to the beach...where there are dunes before you actually get to the sand. that was a foreign concept to me before today too, lol. anyway, we had a great time laying out, getting caught with beer on the beach (oops), and trying to best the atlantic ocean (we lost). i can now say that i have been in both oceans and i definitely prefer the pacific. but thats just me. by the end of the day we had gotten a parking ticket, found one of the parking meters open and gained back the price of the ticket, and had a lovely pizza dinner with ice cream for dessert. then, to cap it all off....the navy band was there and they sang a montage of Hairspray songs. talk about random.
so we finally left around 830, i played dj in the front seat while lee catherine drove, and we got home at 1130. it was a true day at the beach.
states i have now been in...
hawaii, california, oregon, nevada, texas, florida, virginia, dc, maryland, delaware, pennsylvania, new york
seas i have now been in...
pacific ocean, atlantic ocean, mediterranean sea, dead sea (plus some others i cant think of the name of, lol)
and the dunes...
so today we (ethan, lee catherine, adam, and i) went to Bethany Beach in Delaware. Now this place was pretty cute, but the whole day was quite the experience.
we were supposed to get up at 7 since its a three hour drive, but we ended up leaving around 9 because no one but me actually woke up, lol. in any case, we then began our long drive to the beach. it was such an experience because im used to either walking down to the beach, or driving less than 20 min to get there. here, you have to completely plan it out, drive through states, and take an entire day.
in any case, we got on our way, with the boys in the front, and an argument on directions...big surprise. so we finally make our way out of dc, through maryland, and into delaware. as adam said, it is amazing to me that the state of delaware has representation in congress and dc doesnt, bc delaware is a whole lot of nothing. i mean, i would never want to live there. everything is so far apart and, i dont know, hokey looking. it made me realize how much of a city/cali girl i am, lol.
so we get to the beach, go and get some beer, pick up some burgers and fries, and and actually walk on the boardwalk (a real boardwalk! shocking, i know) and down to the beach...where there are dunes before you actually get to the sand. that was a foreign concept to me before today too, lol. anyway, we had a great time laying out, getting caught with beer on the beach (oops), and trying to best the atlantic ocean (we lost). i can now say that i have been in both oceans and i definitely prefer the pacific. but thats just me. by the end of the day we had gotten a parking ticket, found one of the parking meters open and gained back the price of the ticket, and had a lovely pizza dinner with ice cream for dessert. then, to cap it all off....the navy band was there and they sang a montage of Hairspray songs. talk about random.
so we finally left around 830, i played dj in the front seat while lee catherine drove, and we got home at 1130. it was a true day at the beach.
states i have now been in...
hawaii, california, oregon, nevada, texas, florida, virginia, dc, maryland, delaware, pennsylvania, new york
seas i have now been in...
pacific ocean, atlantic ocean, mediterranean sea, dead sea (plus some others i cant think of the name of, lol)
and the dunes...
Friday, June 20, 2008
anche odio il espn
i also hate espn
they are so freaking biased against the west coast is it ridiculous.
the angels just killed the phillies, so they show a couple highlights, then all they talk about are the phillies. nothing about how the angels had about 15 hits, how vlad is getting hot, how they scored more than 3 runs, which is what they usually score, or anything! arg. instead they stated that the phillies are slumping and moved on to boston vs st. louis, and of course curt schilling.
anche odio il espn
they are so freaking biased against the west coast is it ridiculous.
the angels just killed the phillies, so they show a couple highlights, then all they talk about are the phillies. nothing about how the angels had about 15 hits, how vlad is getting hot, how they scored more than 3 runs, which is what they usually score, or anything! arg. instead they stated that the phillies are slumping and moved on to boston vs st. louis, and of course curt schilling.
anche odio il espn
odio gli insetti
i hate bugs
there is a large, winged insect flying around the apartment right now, and I have to admit, I am extremely grossed out and kind of scared. i dont know why this always happens when im alone, but this is the second time that a crazy bug has appeared for the first time while i have been alone.
the first bug i looked up and decided it was a kind of centipede that i have never seen before. i killed it, but since then i have seen a couple more of them. it is such a gross, disgusting bug that lee catherine and i asked our neighbor to kill one because neither one of us wanted to get near it, lol.
here is a link to what it is so everyone else can be grossed out too...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_centipede
last night i heard buzzing and figured a fly had come in. then i saw this thing on the wall and figured it was another centipede. as i went over to check it out...it started flying around... definitely not a centipede. its about the same size as the house centipede, and it likes being near the light. so, tonight i kept all the lights in the living room off so it would leave me alone, and i left the kitchen light on. sure enough, it wandered the kitchen for about an hour. i ahve no idea how to kill this thing, or if i would even if i could. im not going to lie, this thing creeps me out. gross, gross, gross.
odio gli insetti
there is a large, winged insect flying around the apartment right now, and I have to admit, I am extremely grossed out and kind of scared. i dont know why this always happens when im alone, but this is the second time that a crazy bug has appeared for the first time while i have been alone.
the first bug i looked up and decided it was a kind of centipede that i have never seen before. i killed it, but since then i have seen a couple more of them. it is such a gross, disgusting bug that lee catherine and i asked our neighbor to kill one because neither one of us wanted to get near it, lol.
here is a link to what it is so everyone else can be grossed out too...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_centipede
last night i heard buzzing and figured a fly had come in. then i saw this thing on the wall and figured it was another centipede. as i went over to check it out...it started flying around... definitely not a centipede. its about the same size as the house centipede, and it likes being near the light. so, tonight i kept all the lights in the living room off so it would leave me alone, and i left the kitchen light on. sure enough, it wandered the kitchen for about an hour. i ahve no idea how to kill this thing, or if i would even if i could. im not going to lie, this thing creeps me out. gross, gross, gross.
odio gli insetti
Sunday, June 15, 2008
"no"
no
i need to learn to say no. its as simple as that.
whenever anyone asks me to do something, if i can physically do it, 99% of the time, i will. i think it stems from one of my greatest fears, which is disappointing someone i care about. im also just a people-pleaser. i like to do what i can.
one example is tonight. for the first time in i dont know how long, an angels game was on espn. now, this is something i realllllly wanted to watch. unfortunately, tonight was also game 5 of the nba finals. adam is here, and he is a celtics fan, so of course he wants to watch the game. the celtics have been on lately much more than the angels, so i think it would have been fair to watch the angels game, which would be over before the half time of the nba game, and then switch over to the nba game. however, when adam asked if we could watch the basketball game, i said sure. sigh.
another example is when they ask me to stay at work. if it is a day off or only an hour later, usually i say yes. i need to stop, take time for myself, and and do what is best for me.
i need to be more assertive and learn how to say no. plain and simple.
no
i need to learn to say no. its as simple as that.
whenever anyone asks me to do something, if i can physically do it, 99% of the time, i will. i think it stems from one of my greatest fears, which is disappointing someone i care about. im also just a people-pleaser. i like to do what i can.
one example is tonight. for the first time in i dont know how long, an angels game was on espn. now, this is something i realllllly wanted to watch. unfortunately, tonight was also game 5 of the nba finals. adam is here, and he is a celtics fan, so of course he wants to watch the game. the celtics have been on lately much more than the angels, so i think it would have been fair to watch the angels game, which would be over before the half time of the nba game, and then switch over to the nba game. however, when adam asked if we could watch the basketball game, i said sure. sigh.
another example is when they ask me to stay at work. if it is a day off or only an hour later, usually i say yes. i need to stop, take time for myself, and and do what is best for me.
i need to be more assertive and learn how to say no. plain and simple.
no
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
tempeste di tuono
thunderstorms
i love thunderstorms. there is just something about them, about the electricity in the air maybe, that is just awesome.
i want to be outside enjoying the atmosphere, but i know that dancing around outside while a storm like this rages is not the smartest thing to do...thank you college education.
at any rate, this storm is here because, like it has been since friday, it was freaking hot and humid today.
the only downside is i really want to shower, but i am kind of afraid to. i know there is a myth about lightening coming through the shower and killing someone, and i kind of remember a mythbusters show testing this myth...but i dont remember the outcome, lol.
so, i am going to sit here and enjoy the show, and i doubt this is the last time i will post about my excitement over storms. :)
thunderstorms
i love thunderstorms. there is just something about them, about the electricity in the air maybe, that is just awesome.
i want to be outside enjoying the atmosphere, but i know that dancing around outside while a storm like this rages is not the smartest thing to do...thank you college education.
at any rate, this storm is here because, like it has been since friday, it was freaking hot and humid today.
the only downside is i really want to shower, but i am kind of afraid to. i know there is a myth about lightening coming through the shower and killing someone, and i kind of remember a mythbusters show testing this myth...but i dont remember the outcome, lol.
so, i am going to sit here and enjoy the show, and i doubt this is the last time i will post about my excitement over storms. :)
thunderstorms
the view from my living room window
oggi era un buon giorno
today was a good day
so today was my first day off work in over a week, so it was really nice to bum around. i slept in a bit, and then watched some movies.
first on the list was "in her shoes." it was pretty good. in other words, i enjoyed watching it, but i probably wont ever see it again, lol. not to say i didnt enjoy it, because i did; it made me smile, laugh, cry, and get involved with the characters. what else can you ask for in a movie?
next on my list was "breach." unfortunately, as has been the pattern every time i go to watch this movie, lee catherine comes home and i stop watching. this time it was ok, because i watched the documentary "black gold" with her. it is about coffee production in ethiopia. it was so sad and disturbing, and makes me glad i dont drink coffee. although, i also realized that stopping drinking coffee wont solve the disparity between what the farmers are paid and what the profits are. it just amazing to me that it is random people in new york who set everything. so i recommend the documentary to anyone and everyone who drinks coffee or is interested in the african coffee industry.
anyway, i finally watched "breach." what a great movie. i enjoyed it because it covers so many of my interests: espionage, counter-intelligence, history, a hot actor, etc. :) in any case, i really want to see it again because i know there are nuances that i missed this first time around. however, i sent it back to netflix today because i have had it for over 3 months now. maybe i will ask for it/put it on my wish list. in any case, i bought the score, to add to my 400+ movie score songs. im such a nerd.
in any case, after watching the movies, lee catherine and i watched wheel of fortune and jeopardy. then, we had reading time, where we just read our respective books and listened to some of my scores. it was a nice night to cap off a relaxing day.
now one might think that since this was a day off i should have been outside enjoying the sun. however, it has been so hot and humid here lately that stepping outside is draining and makes you sticky and gross. to translate, it has been in the high 90s/low 100s, with at least 70% humidity, and the low at night is around 75 degrees. it feels like stepping into a sauna every time i step outside.
i suppose thats enough for now since im tired and i am back to work tomorrow.
oggi era un buon giorno
so today was my first day off work in over a week, so it was really nice to bum around. i slept in a bit, and then watched some movies.
first on the list was "in her shoes." it was pretty good. in other words, i enjoyed watching it, but i probably wont ever see it again, lol. not to say i didnt enjoy it, because i did; it made me smile, laugh, cry, and get involved with the characters. what else can you ask for in a movie?
next on my list was "breach." unfortunately, as has been the pattern every time i go to watch this movie, lee catherine comes home and i stop watching. this time it was ok, because i watched the documentary "black gold" with her. it is about coffee production in ethiopia. it was so sad and disturbing, and makes me glad i dont drink coffee. although, i also realized that stopping drinking coffee wont solve the disparity between what the farmers are paid and what the profits are. it just amazing to me that it is random people in new york who set everything. so i recommend the documentary to anyone and everyone who drinks coffee or is interested in the african coffee industry.
anyway, i finally watched "breach." what a great movie. i enjoyed it because it covers so many of my interests: espionage, counter-intelligence, history, a hot actor, etc. :) in any case, i really want to see it again because i know there are nuances that i missed this first time around. however, i sent it back to netflix today because i have had it for over 3 months now. maybe i will ask for it/put it on my wish list. in any case, i bought the score, to add to my 400+ movie score songs. im such a nerd.
in any case, after watching the movies, lee catherine and i watched wheel of fortune and jeopardy. then, we had reading time, where we just read our respective books and listened to some of my scores. it was a nice night to cap off a relaxing day.
now one might think that since this was a day off i should have been outside enjoying the sun. however, it has been so hot and humid here lately that stepping outside is draining and makes you sticky and gross. to translate, it has been in the high 90s/low 100s, with at least 70% humidity, and the low at night is around 75 degrees. it feels like stepping into a sauna every time i step outside.
i suppose thats enough for now since im tired and i am back to work tomorrow.
oggi era un buon giorno
Sunday, June 1, 2008
libri
books
so today i went to the bookstore, and as per usual, spent above an hour there. it just happens, no matter how much i try to limit my time. though lets be honest, i had no deadline today. :)
anyway, i bought more books today, to go along with the, let me count, 20 or so books i have on my shelves here to read. this is not counting the books back in california because lets be honest, there is no way i will be reading those any time soon, so they kinda dont count. in any case, i did realize something today as i perused the stacks. the books that i enjoy, and tend to buy, are either romance novels or something to do with history or real world issues. i am not really a fan of straight fiction. this is because i live for happy endings. there is not very much in real life that can guarantee you happiness, therefore romance novels are a way to escape and have that promised happily ever after delivered. in other words, if i am going to spend my time and money on fiction, i want to know i will be happy with the outcome. most fiction books have really interesting stories, but there always seems to be some sort of lesson or "a-ha" moment where the main character loses out in the end. im not saying this is a bad thing, just that i dont really care for it in most of my reading. every now and then it is fine, and i do have a couple of those books on my shelf, but like i said before, i want to either learn something, or escape as far away as possible from reality, and my history books and romance novels allow me to do that.
libri
so today i went to the bookstore, and as per usual, spent above an hour there. it just happens, no matter how much i try to limit my time. though lets be honest, i had no deadline today. :)
anyway, i bought more books today, to go along with the, let me count, 20 or so books i have on my shelves here to read. this is not counting the books back in california because lets be honest, there is no way i will be reading those any time soon, so they kinda dont count. in any case, i did realize something today as i perused the stacks. the books that i enjoy, and tend to buy, are either romance novels or something to do with history or real world issues. i am not really a fan of straight fiction. this is because i live for happy endings. there is not very much in real life that can guarantee you happiness, therefore romance novels are a way to escape and have that promised happily ever after delivered. in other words, if i am going to spend my time and money on fiction, i want to know i will be happy with the outcome. most fiction books have really interesting stories, but there always seems to be some sort of lesson or "a-ha" moment where the main character loses out in the end. im not saying this is a bad thing, just that i dont really care for it in most of my reading. every now and then it is fine, and i do have a couple of those books on my shelf, but like i said before, i want to either learn something, or escape as far away as possible from reality, and my history books and romance novels allow me to do that.
libri
Friday, May 30, 2008
ménage à trois.
threesome (in french instead of italian, get over it)
so lee catherines sister is in town, and has been in town since last sunday. now sometimes when there are three people living under the same roof, it can be a little awkward as someone invariably gets left out. for some inexplicable reason, this has not happened. i dont know what it is, but i get along fabulously with both of the booker sisters. we can laugh together, sit in silence together, watch movies, cook, make fun of each other...it just works. i know from past experience that when there is some history between 2 of the 3 people, it is even more likely that someone will get left out, but that just hasnt happened. they either include me in the convo, explain what they are talking about, or move on quickly to a new topic. it just goes to show that having three people is not necessarily going to be a problem with one person left out. instead, if the personalities click, it just doesnt matter how many people there are. so, i am going to enjoy the time that sarah is here and life is a bit more varied. yay for three somes. :)
ménage à trois.
so lee catherines sister is in town, and has been in town since last sunday. now sometimes when there are three people living under the same roof, it can be a little awkward as someone invariably gets left out. for some inexplicable reason, this has not happened. i dont know what it is, but i get along fabulously with both of the booker sisters. we can laugh together, sit in silence together, watch movies, cook, make fun of each other...it just works. i know from past experience that when there is some history between 2 of the 3 people, it is even more likely that someone will get left out, but that just hasnt happened. they either include me in the convo, explain what they are talking about, or move on quickly to a new topic. it just goes to show that having three people is not necessarily going to be a problem with one person left out. instead, if the personalities click, it just doesnt matter how many people there are. so, i am going to enjoy the time that sarah is here and life is a bit more varied. yay for three somes. :)
ménage à trois.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Sono triste
i am sad
so i finished a book today. i know i know, big deal right? since i finish a book pretty much every week. but this was a new book, and part of a trilogy. it was pretty good, though not as good as the first book in the trilogy because the character development of one of the main characters just wasnt there to me. but thats beside the point. i am sad because the third book in the trilogy will not come out until december. i have to wait seven months (ha...kind of fitting since the books have to do with crazyness that happens every 7 years...you have to read to understand) to read the next book and find out the conclusion of what happens and how the good guys triumph. i know they will, and i know who will end up with who by the end... but i love the journey and i want instant gratification! i want the book, and i want it now. so i am sad, because i cant have it now, i have to have patience, and i have to wait. sigh.
sono triste
so i finished a book today. i know i know, big deal right? since i finish a book pretty much every week. but this was a new book, and part of a trilogy. it was pretty good, though not as good as the first book in the trilogy because the character development of one of the main characters just wasnt there to me. but thats beside the point. i am sad because the third book in the trilogy will not come out until december. i have to wait seven months (ha...kind of fitting since the books have to do with crazyness that happens every 7 years...you have to read to understand) to read the next book and find out the conclusion of what happens and how the good guys triumph. i know they will, and i know who will end up with who by the end... but i love the journey and i want instant gratification! i want the book, and i want it now. so i am sad, because i cant have it now, i have to have patience, and i have to wait. sigh.
sono triste
Friday, May 9, 2008
crap santo
holy crap
we are supposed to get a bit less than 3 inches of rain from may 8-11.
on top of that, we have a flood warning and tornado watch.
lest one think i am kidding...
"TORNADO WATCH FOR CHESAPEAKE BAY FROM NORTH BEACH TO DRUM POINT MD, CHESAPEAKE BAY FROM DRUM POINT MD TO SMITH POINT VA, MD TIDAL POTOMAC FROM KEY BRIDGE TO INDIAN HEAD MD, DC TIDAL POTOMAC FROM INDIAN HEAD TO COBB ISLAND MD, TIDAL POTOMAC FROM COBB ISLAND MD TO SMITH POINT VA, MD"
that was copied from weather.com...and i live right next to the key bridge. wtf is going on.
crap santo
we are supposed to get a bit less than 3 inches of rain from may 8-11.
on top of that, we have a flood warning and tornado watch.
lest one think i am kidding...
"TORNADO WATCH FOR CHESAPEAKE BAY FROM NORTH BEACH TO DRUM POINT MD, CHESAPEAKE BAY FROM DRUM POINT MD TO SMITH POINT VA, MD TIDAL POTOMAC FROM KEY BRIDGE TO INDIAN HEAD MD, DC TIDAL POTOMAC FROM INDIAN HEAD TO COBB ISLAND MD, TIDAL POTOMAC FROM COBB ISLAND MD TO SMITH POINT VA, MD"
that was copied from weather.com...and i live right next to the key bridge. wtf is going on.
crap santo
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
da solo ancora
alone again
once again my roommate is off to boston. sad to me. i dont really mind being alone for a short period of time, but she wont be back for over a week. half the time it kind of feels like this is my own place, lol.
i have come to the conclusion that i need to get out more and make new friends as well as see the ones i havent seen in a while. i mean, danielle and elia live here, and i havent seen them yet. then there is dano, who i have been trying to get a hold of for weeks now, and i cant. its kind of frustrating, but i understand that she has a bf who she will be leaving soon, and that she wants to spend as much time as possible with him. it still sucks though that i havent been able to see her. in any case, i need to get out, lol. one good thing is that i have this saturday off, and though people keep asking me to cover it, im being a bitch and saying no bc i want the day off to go and do something, lol. watch me just sit at home like a loser and do nothing, sigh.
da solo ancora
once again my roommate is off to boston. sad to me. i dont really mind being alone for a short period of time, but she wont be back for over a week. half the time it kind of feels like this is my own place, lol.
i have come to the conclusion that i need to get out more and make new friends as well as see the ones i havent seen in a while. i mean, danielle and elia live here, and i havent seen them yet. then there is dano, who i have been trying to get a hold of for weeks now, and i cant. its kind of frustrating, but i understand that she has a bf who she will be leaving soon, and that she wants to spend as much time as possible with him. it still sucks though that i havent been able to see her. in any case, i need to get out, lol. one good thing is that i have this saturday off, and though people keep asking me to cover it, im being a bitch and saying no bc i want the day off to go and do something, lol. watch me just sit at home like a loser and do nothing, sigh.
da solo ancora
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
è necessario che io legga più
it is necessary that i read more
my roommate here in dc tends to watch a lot of tv. because of that, i am now watching a lot of tv. it used to be that when i was bored, i would read and listen to music. i guess bc i like hanging out with lc, and she is always in the living room with the tv on, i am always in the living room with the tv on. i need to change that. more time needs to be spent in my room reading rather than wasting my mind. i mean, i have these great books i have started and not finished bc they are books requiring thinking and i am either too tired, or the tv is too loud or i want company or something. it is time to get back into reading for me. it will help me to relax and learn and broaden my mind, rather than kill brain cells. so, i am making the decision right now...i will read more. so there.
è necessario che io legga più
my roommate here in dc tends to watch a lot of tv. because of that, i am now watching a lot of tv. it used to be that when i was bored, i would read and listen to music. i guess bc i like hanging out with lc, and she is always in the living room with the tv on, i am always in the living room with the tv on. i need to change that. more time needs to be spent in my room reading rather than wasting my mind. i mean, i have these great books i have started and not finished bc they are books requiring thinking and i am either too tired, or the tv is too loud or i want company or something. it is time to get back into reading for me. it will help me to relax and learn and broaden my mind, rather than kill brain cells. so, i am making the decision right now...i will read more. so there.
è necessario che io legga più
Saturday, April 26, 2008
più pensieri
more thoughts
so one of my bosses got engaged today, and while i was so excited for her, i was a bit jealous too. it also made me think of something that i heard, which is that we all have exactly the life we want. in other words, if you want to be in a relationship, you will be, and if you want to be single, you will be. so, when im ready to be "unsingle" and in a relationship, than it will happen. i had a hard time believing that when i first heard it, but after thinking about it, it does kind of make sense. i mean, im single, and after reflection, its not that i dont want to be in a relationship, but im scared. im scared of love, trust, sex, basically everything involved in a relationship, lol. so until i decide i want a relationship and that the other stuff doesnt matter so much, or that it doesnt scare me as much, i think i most likely stay as i am...single. so i guess what i am is interested in relationships, but not ready to be in one yet myself. and when that day comes when i am ready, then hopefully it will happen.
ps...her ring was absolutely gorgeous
più pensieri
so one of my bosses got engaged today, and while i was so excited for her, i was a bit jealous too. it also made me think of something that i heard, which is that we all have exactly the life we want. in other words, if you want to be in a relationship, you will be, and if you want to be single, you will be. so, when im ready to be "unsingle" and in a relationship, than it will happen. i had a hard time believing that when i first heard it, but after thinking about it, it does kind of make sense. i mean, im single, and after reflection, its not that i dont want to be in a relationship, but im scared. im scared of love, trust, sex, basically everything involved in a relationship, lol. so until i decide i want a relationship and that the other stuff doesnt matter so much, or that it doesnt scare me as much, i think i most likely stay as i am...single. so i guess what i am is interested in relationships, but not ready to be in one yet myself. and when that day comes when i am ready, then hopefully it will happen.
ps...her ring was absolutely gorgeous
più pensieri
Monday, April 21, 2008
pensieri
thoughts
so as i flew into california on friday morning, i thought to myself, why did i ever leave? the weather was beautiful, the ocean was shining blue, my family and friends are here...its just so perfect. there have even been times in the past couple of months where i have been thinking about moving back to cali sooner rather than later. i love dc and i love the east coast and seasons and whatnot, but there is so much about california that i love too. i think part of the reason i have been thinking about all this is because i am so tired of my life right now. i wish everything had worked out and that i was in school instead of working at gap and killing time. then again, it wouldnt be life if everything went according to plan. and there is also the fact that i would always wonder what would have happened if i had never gone to "the cult" for that one week, i wouldnt have my great roommate and apt if i hadnt moved out in september, and i still probably wouldnt have a job, lol. so while it is normal to bitch and moan, i guess i wouldnt have it any other way, unless i could keep the roomie and apt and have no doubts about my school, lol.
in any case, i was also reminded of some not so good things about being home. like on friday night, when justin and i were trying to figure out what to do. there really is not much to do here, especially as young adults. granted, i am mostly a hermit in dc, but if/when i want to go out or do something, i can. here, not so much.
i guess none of this really matters very much anyway bc i go back to dc on tuesday, start school in august, and will be there for 2 years. who knows where i will go from there, but for now, thats my life.
pensieri
so as i flew into california on friday morning, i thought to myself, why did i ever leave? the weather was beautiful, the ocean was shining blue, my family and friends are here...its just so perfect. there have even been times in the past couple of months where i have been thinking about moving back to cali sooner rather than later. i love dc and i love the east coast and seasons and whatnot, but there is so much about california that i love too. i think part of the reason i have been thinking about all this is because i am so tired of my life right now. i wish everything had worked out and that i was in school instead of working at gap and killing time. then again, it wouldnt be life if everything went according to plan. and there is also the fact that i would always wonder what would have happened if i had never gone to "the cult" for that one week, i wouldnt have my great roommate and apt if i hadnt moved out in september, and i still probably wouldnt have a job, lol. so while it is normal to bitch and moan, i guess i wouldnt have it any other way, unless i could keep the roomie and apt and have no doubts about my school, lol.
in any case, i was also reminded of some not so good things about being home. like on friday night, when justin and i were trying to figure out what to do. there really is not much to do here, especially as young adults. granted, i am mostly a hermit in dc, but if/when i want to go out or do something, i can. here, not so much.
i guess none of this really matters very much anyway bc i go back to dc on tuesday, start school in august, and will be there for 2 years. who knows where i will go from there, but for now, thats my life.
pensieri
Friday, April 11, 2008
Vestiti
Clothing
So today I decided to take my paycheck and use it on the cute clothes we just got in at GAP. I figured I may as well use my discount and wear the clothing for the store I work for.
Well, things didnt exactly work out the way I wanted them to. I picked out all this cute stuff, took it into the dressing room, and hated everything. I happen to be someone who has both a chest, and a waist. I essentially look like a coke bottle. So my problem is that when something fits my chest at GAP, it usually just hangs from there, and it looks like I am pregnant or hiding a humongous stomach. This was the case with every single shirt I tried on. So I got frustrated, and decided to go to Ann Taylor Loft, and I spent my money there instead of GAP. Their clothes are actually fitted and have pretty silhouettes. They have hidden side and back zippers so clothes contour with your body and make you look good. So while I didnt save any money with a discount, I got some amazing clothes that actually fit my body. So take that, GAP.
Vestiti
So today I decided to take my paycheck and use it on the cute clothes we just got in at GAP. I figured I may as well use my discount and wear the clothing for the store I work for.
Well, things didnt exactly work out the way I wanted them to. I picked out all this cute stuff, took it into the dressing room, and hated everything. I happen to be someone who has both a chest, and a waist. I essentially look like a coke bottle. So my problem is that when something fits my chest at GAP, it usually just hangs from there, and it looks like I am pregnant or hiding a humongous stomach. This was the case with every single shirt I tried on. So I got frustrated, and decided to go to Ann Taylor Loft, and I spent my money there instead of GAP. Their clothes are actually fitted and have pretty silhouettes. They have hidden side and back zippers so clothes contour with your body and make you look good. So while I didnt save any money with a discount, I got some amazing clothes that actually fit my body. So take that, GAP.
Vestiti
Monday, March 31, 2008
Ho una problema
I have a problem
So today was graduate student day at for the school of public of affairs at AU. It was great bc it reaffirmed my desire to attend the school and calmed some of my fears. there were other people there who are interested in the same things i am interested in, and i feel now that the program will work for what i want.
Now on to my problem. There was this great guy who I met and pretty much hung out with all day. Whats the problem with this? He has a girlfriend. It seems that every guy I am attracted to is attached. I did not know this until we were on our way to happy hour after the event today. He invited me to join him and some of his friends who live in DC, and I said no, then caved later and joined him anyway bc we were having a good time and I didnt know he had a gf at that point. Then, as we were on the metro, he let it drop. Sigh. I need to figure out what it is that attracts me to attached guys, bc this is getting ridiculous.
Ho una problema
So today was graduate student day at for the school of public of affairs at AU. It was great bc it reaffirmed my desire to attend the school and calmed some of my fears. there were other people there who are interested in the same things i am interested in, and i feel now that the program will work for what i want.
Now on to my problem. There was this great guy who I met and pretty much hung out with all day. Whats the problem with this? He has a girlfriend. It seems that every guy I am attracted to is attached. I did not know this until we were on our way to happy hour after the event today. He invited me to join him and some of his friends who live in DC, and I said no, then caved later and joined him anyway bc we were having a good time and I didnt know he had a gf at that point. Then, as we were on the metro, he let it drop. Sigh. I need to figure out what it is that attracts me to attached guys, bc this is getting ridiculous.
Ho una problema
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
una buona fine settimana
a good weekend
dad came to visit this past weekend, and it was quite nice. i got two amazing dinners that i didnt have to cook or pay for, a trip to the international spy museum, a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies, and time with dad, among other random events.
all in all, not a bad weekend.
una buona fine settimana
dad came to visit this past weekend, and it was quite nice. i got two amazing dinners that i didnt have to cook or pay for, a trip to the international spy museum, a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies, and time with dad, among other random events.
all in all, not a bad weekend.
una buona fine settimana
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
sono una idiota
i am an idiot.
now its not like this is news or anything, but im putting it out there anyway.
today i went to barnes and noble to celebrate getting some mula, and of course i am the person who cant just go to a bookstore...i have to meander, read a book or two, and eventually buy something before i leave because i feel guilty for sitting there and reading. but that is not what makes me an idiot. what makes me an idiot is the fact that by sitting and reading a book (or 2) i tire my eyes out so much so that when i look up from the books i can barely read the signs for the sections...and when i get home i can barely make out the clock. but even the reading isnt exactly what makes me an idiot, its reading without my glasses that makes me an idiot...especially seeing as they were in my purse. i just get so caught up in the book i am skimming that i dont want to take the time to pull them out. so now my eyes hurt, reading on the internet makes it worse, and i am still not wearing my glasses. whats my excuse this time? they are in my room and i am on the couch.
sono una idiota
now its not like this is news or anything, but im putting it out there anyway.
today i went to barnes and noble to celebrate getting some mula, and of course i am the person who cant just go to a bookstore...i have to meander, read a book or two, and eventually buy something before i leave because i feel guilty for sitting there and reading. but that is not what makes me an idiot. what makes me an idiot is the fact that by sitting and reading a book (or 2) i tire my eyes out so much so that when i look up from the books i can barely read the signs for the sections...and when i get home i can barely make out the clock. but even the reading isnt exactly what makes me an idiot, its reading without my glasses that makes me an idiot...especially seeing as they were in my purse. i just get so caught up in the book i am skimming that i dont want to take the time to pull them out. so now my eyes hurt, reading on the internet makes it worse, and i am still not wearing my glasses. whats my excuse this time? they are in my room and i am on the couch.
sono una idiota
Monday, March 10, 2008
ho un lavoro
i have a job.
So i turned in an application to gap 2 weeks ago hoping to get a job so as to pass the time while i wait for school to begin, and while i search for something better. well yesterday i got a call inviting me to a group interview. so today i show up, and i was the most professionally dressed i might add, and there are 3 of us. it was pretty obvious to me that one of the girls had no experience in customer service, and the other not a lot. At any rate, after about 40 min of going over our applications and scenarios and such, we were done. I took my app back to fix something, and the other two girls left. The woman interviewing us came back, and asked me some questions about my previous experience at gap, and my wage there, and when i didnt know, she said she would be right back. so she comes back, i mention i think i made about 8.50, she says how much are you asking for, i tell her, and she says great, you're hired. i was like, what about references and such, and she said i was in the computer already and they didnt need to worry about it and i was hired. so just like that, i now have a job. i will no longer be sitting at home all day every day doing absolutely nothing. i will also have some spending cash, which makes me super excited. so while i am not necessarily excited about working in retail, it will give me references, cash, and something to do.
ho un lavoro
So i turned in an application to gap 2 weeks ago hoping to get a job so as to pass the time while i wait for school to begin, and while i search for something better. well yesterday i got a call inviting me to a group interview. so today i show up, and i was the most professionally dressed i might add, and there are 3 of us. it was pretty obvious to me that one of the girls had no experience in customer service, and the other not a lot. At any rate, after about 40 min of going over our applications and scenarios and such, we were done. I took my app back to fix something, and the other two girls left. The woman interviewing us came back, and asked me some questions about my previous experience at gap, and my wage there, and when i didnt know, she said she would be right back. so she comes back, i mention i think i made about 8.50, she says how much are you asking for, i tell her, and she says great, you're hired. i was like, what about references and such, and she said i was in the computer already and they didnt need to worry about it and i was hired. so just like that, i now have a job. i will no longer be sitting at home all day every day doing absolutely nothing. i will also have some spending cash, which makes me super excited. so while i am not necessarily excited about working in retail, it will give me references, cash, and something to do.
ho un lavoro
Thursday, March 6, 2008
sono triste
i am sad.
i have such a hard time reading about suicide bombers. the people who are hurt the most when these bombs go off are innocent civilians who did nothing more than go to class or the market. why should they be punished? they had no part in the decision making of their leaders, so leave them alone. then there are the suicide bombers themselves. usually these are young men or women who have been virtually brainwashed or given false promises. you never hear about older men blowing themselves up...because they know there is really no point and they dont want to die. they just want the young to do the dirty work for them, and then they get to stand up and point the finger at the targeted country as if having a suicide bomber come in was their fault.
i have studied suicide bombers in class before, but i still just dont get it. it would seem that suicide bombers would make a country more angry and more prone to attack instead of halting whatever the bombers were protesting. but what do i know.
this wasnt a completely random post. in jerusalem today a man came into a jewish seminary an killed at least 8 students, while in gaza hamas celebrated. also, in iraq a bomb was set off, and then a suicide bomber blew himself up when help came so as to kill even more people. first, i cant understand how anyone could celebrate death. second, why would you kill those who come to help the injured? i can see sometime in the future emergency personnel refusing to go into blast sites bc they dont want to die trying to save lives. this doesnt solve anything, and really makes me sad.
sono triste
i have such a hard time reading about suicide bombers. the people who are hurt the most when these bombs go off are innocent civilians who did nothing more than go to class or the market. why should they be punished? they had no part in the decision making of their leaders, so leave them alone. then there are the suicide bombers themselves. usually these are young men or women who have been virtually brainwashed or given false promises. you never hear about older men blowing themselves up...because they know there is really no point and they dont want to die. they just want the young to do the dirty work for them, and then they get to stand up and point the finger at the targeted country as if having a suicide bomber come in was their fault.
i have studied suicide bombers in class before, but i still just dont get it. it would seem that suicide bombers would make a country more angry and more prone to attack instead of halting whatever the bombers were protesting. but what do i know.
this wasnt a completely random post. in jerusalem today a man came into a jewish seminary an killed at least 8 students, while in gaza hamas celebrated. also, in iraq a bomb was set off, and then a suicide bomber blew himself up when help came so as to kill even more people. first, i cant understand how anyone could celebrate death. second, why would you kill those who come to help the injured? i can see sometime in the future emergency personnel refusing to go into blast sites bc they dont want to die trying to save lives. this doesnt solve anything, and really makes me sad.
sono triste
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
come se dice "sigh"
how does one say "sigh"
my lunch meeting was postponed.
im trying not to take it as a bad thing, just a fact of life, and stay optimistic. i mean, its not brents fault that he and his wife are sick. and while intellectually i know that, it still bums me out.
on a happier note.... we are supposed to get thunderstorms, woohoo! now lets see if the forecasters are actually right.
come se dice "sigh"
my lunch meeting was postponed.
im trying not to take it as a bad thing, just a fact of life, and stay optimistic. i mean, its not brents fault that he and his wife are sick. and while intellectually i know that, it still bums me out.
on a happier note.... we are supposed to get thunderstorms, woohoo! now lets see if the forecasters are actually right.
come se dice "sigh"
Monday, March 3, 2008
prudentemente ottimista
cautiously optimistic
so its march. 2 full months gone in the year 2008, on to the third. kind of crazy. along the theme of the title of this post, i am cautiously optimistic that this month will be better than the last.
not that february was particularly bad, it just wasnt great.
also, tomorrow i have a sort of meeting with a guy named brent, who is my step grandfathers nephew. how complicated is that? in any case, he works for the sec and said he might be abke to give me tips or help me out with the job search. im trying not to get my hopes up too high as
i have had them dashed in the past. but, i am cautiously optimistic that something will come of it, if only a new friend in the district. we shall see.
in other news, i joined netflix. so i cancelled the gym and joined a movie group...i can see where this is going, lol. actually, i just got some money from my cd, so i am planning on using that to buy some work out clothes and start running again. the gym was just too expensive to be honest, especially now that the weather is getting nicer around here. joining fees and monthly payments just werent worth it. in any case, i am pretty excited for netflix. i get 2 movies at a time, however many i want a month, for $14. not too shabby. this way i can catch up on all the classics i have never seen, as well as all those movies i missed while in school. AND, whenever someones looks at me pityingly when i tell them i havent seen something, i can just put it at the top of my list and seem brilliant the next time i see them, haha.
anyway, i think i have money now, i am resolving everything with my credit card and the wsc, i have new movies, spring training means baseball has officially begun, and it is the beginning of a new month...
cautiously optimistic indeed
so its march. 2 full months gone in the year 2008, on to the third. kind of crazy. along the theme of the title of this post, i am cautiously optimistic that this month will be better than the last.
not that february was particularly bad, it just wasnt great.
also, tomorrow i have a sort of meeting with a guy named brent, who is my step grandfathers nephew. how complicated is that? in any case, he works for the sec and said he might be abke to give me tips or help me out with the job search. im trying not to get my hopes up too high as
i have had them dashed in the past. but, i am cautiously optimistic that something will come of it, if only a new friend in the district. we shall see.
in other news, i joined netflix. so i cancelled the gym and joined a movie group...i can see where this is going, lol. actually, i just got some money from my cd, so i am planning on using that to buy some work out clothes and start running again. the gym was just too expensive to be honest, especially now that the weather is getting nicer around here. joining fees and monthly payments just werent worth it. in any case, i am pretty excited for netflix. i get 2 movies at a time, however many i want a month, for $14. not too shabby. this way i can catch up on all the classics i have never seen, as well as all those movies i missed while in school. AND, whenever someones looks at me pityingly when i tell them i havent seen something, i can just put it at the top of my list and seem brilliant the next time i see them, haha.
anyway, i think i have money now, i am resolving everything with my credit card and the wsc, i have new movies, spring training means baseball has officially begun, and it is the beginning of a new month...
cautiously optimistic indeed
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Voglio quello
i want that
i was sitting on the metro today on my way to visit dano, and though i fully intended to read, i was distracted by this disgustingly cute couple. they were not all pda and obnoxious, they were quite simply perfect. they were sitting in a seat facing into the car right next to the doors, and they held hands most of the way, whispered sweet nothings in each others ears, nuzzled each other, kissed, conversed, and above all else, seemed supremely happy. i watched them covertly, through their reflection on the window and as i glanced around the car, and all i could think about as i headed towards alexandria was, "i want that."
voglio quello
i was sitting on the metro today on my way to visit dano, and though i fully intended to read, i was distracted by this disgustingly cute couple. they were not all pda and obnoxious, they were quite simply perfect. they were sitting in a seat facing into the car right next to the doors, and they held hands most of the way, whispered sweet nothings in each others ears, nuzzled each other, kissed, conversed, and above all else, seemed supremely happy. i watched them covertly, through their reflection on the window and as i glanced around the car, and all i could think about as i headed towards alexandria was, "i want that."
voglio quello
bel canto
beautiful song
"falling slowly" from once
I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along
bel canto
"falling slowly" from once
I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along
bel canto
Monday, February 25, 2008
vita
life
nothing can prepare us for what life brings. sometimes it is something absolutely surprising and wonderful, and other times it is the worst possible event that could be imagined. finding out mom was ill was kind of an eye opener, especially when after the weekend was over, she was on the mend, and one of my closest friends mom died. what do you say in that kind of situation? i have no idea how she is feeling, and all i feel i can really do is be there to lend an ear or a shoulder. too bad im on the other side of the country. i really cant imagine life without my mom. at times she drives me crazy and i wish i was on a desert island so she couldnt contact me, but then i have the slightest issue and what do i do first? i call my mom. its kind of a contradiction, but im sure lots of people feel this way.
the good thing about being home was that i got to see some friends. i did get to see alexandra on friday, so i was able to talk with her about her mom before everything happened. so even though i cant be there for her now, i can feel good about being able to see her at all that weekend. i got to see justin and mel along with some others who i havent seen in a while, so that was nice too. i didnt get to see bean. :( that makes me sad. i did talk to him online for a bit which was nice, but i would still have liked to see him. then again, i just need to get over whatever i may feel, seeing as i dont even know what it is, sigh. i also didnt get to see neil, and i feel 2 ways about that. i am sad bc he has been a friend for so long, but i was ok with it at the same time bc he is almost too much to deal with at times. i feel guilty for thinking that, but its the truth, so there it is.
starting friday or saturday i will be alone here until the 10th. i know i will be fine on my own, but i also know i will be a bit lonely. i should make a list of everything i want to do in dc and do it while i can. not that i cant do that now, but now i have someone to talk to every day, whereas in a week i will be on my own. maybe i will finally open my bottle of wine too, lol.
i am tired of feeling so alone out here though. i love the city, i get to see dano about once a week, i have a great roommate, a great apt, and yet, i feel alone. jeez im lame. i just need to go out there and make something for myself and stop sitting here.
this entry is a mess, but then again, so am i and so is life, so i guess it fits.
vita
nothing can prepare us for what life brings. sometimes it is something absolutely surprising and wonderful, and other times it is the worst possible event that could be imagined. finding out mom was ill was kind of an eye opener, especially when after the weekend was over, she was on the mend, and one of my closest friends mom died. what do you say in that kind of situation? i have no idea how she is feeling, and all i feel i can really do is be there to lend an ear or a shoulder. too bad im on the other side of the country. i really cant imagine life without my mom. at times she drives me crazy and i wish i was on a desert island so she couldnt contact me, but then i have the slightest issue and what do i do first? i call my mom. its kind of a contradiction, but im sure lots of people feel this way.
the good thing about being home was that i got to see some friends. i did get to see alexandra on friday, so i was able to talk with her about her mom before everything happened. so even though i cant be there for her now, i can feel good about being able to see her at all that weekend. i got to see justin and mel along with some others who i havent seen in a while, so that was nice too. i didnt get to see bean. :( that makes me sad. i did talk to him online for a bit which was nice, but i would still have liked to see him. then again, i just need to get over whatever i may feel, seeing as i dont even know what it is, sigh. i also didnt get to see neil, and i feel 2 ways about that. i am sad bc he has been a friend for so long, but i was ok with it at the same time bc he is almost too much to deal with at times. i feel guilty for thinking that, but its the truth, so there it is.
starting friday or saturday i will be alone here until the 10th. i know i will be fine on my own, but i also know i will be a bit lonely. i should make a list of everything i want to do in dc and do it while i can. not that i cant do that now, but now i have someone to talk to every day, whereas in a week i will be on my own. maybe i will finally open my bottle of wine too, lol.
i am tired of feeling so alone out here though. i love the city, i get to see dano about once a week, i have a great roommate, a great apt, and yet, i feel alone. jeez im lame. i just need to go out there and make something for myself and stop sitting here.
this entry is a mess, but then again, so am i and so is life, so i guess it fits.
vita
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
timore
fear
it is absolutely nerve-wracking when your mother is in the hospital and you are on the other side of the country and unable to do anything but sit and wait for news.
timore
sono solo per la settimana
i am alone for the week
my roommate is gone again. her boyfriend is in boston, and their one year anniversary was a couple days ago, so she went to see him today, and to go to a really nice hotel or something to celebrate. so yay for her, but once again, i am all alone. i kind of wish i had someone i could call to say "hey, i have the place to myself, come on over and lets have some fun." BUT, even if i did know someone out here like that, i dont think i could ever be that kind of person. though it might be kind of nice not having any inhibitions or anything for once. sigh.
this experience of being on my own has taught me a couple things about myself. one thing is that i can be happy on my own for days at a time. however, it has also taught me that i like having other people around too. so while i can be by myself, i prefer company, as long as i have my own special place to retreat to.
i suppose one reason i am kind for in a melancholy mood is because it has been raining non-stop for almost 24 hours. we have already had over an inch, and its just rain, but its freaking cold out there too. plus, good old valentines day is tomorrow, when i plan on opening my bottle of yummy wine and celebrating not having to buy someone a gift just because hallmark says i should.
so, i may be alone for the week, but i am going to relax, explore a bit, and enjoy myself...and then be ridiculously happy when my roomie returns next tuesday. :)
sono solo per la settimana
Thursday, February 7, 2008
ho un problema
I have a problem.
I am addicted to books. I cannot enter a bookstore and not buy a book. They can be history, current events, picture books, romance, mystery... i am a fan of all of them.
in my last entry i mentioned no more fun spending...as you can tell, that lasted all of 2 days. sigh.
books just make me happy. they are full of knowledge and/or entertainment, and i could spend hours with books every day and be satisfied with life.
ho un problema.
I am addicted to books. I cannot enter a bookstore and not buy a book. They can be history, current events, picture books, romance, mystery... i am a fan of all of them.
in my last entry i mentioned no more fun spending...as you can tell, that lasted all of 2 days. sigh.
books just make me happy. they are full of knowledge and/or entertainment, and i could spend hours with books every day and be satisfied with life.
ho un problema.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
è necessario che ottengo un lavoro
it is necessary that i get a job
i am so tired of sitting here. i have been looking up jobs and internships, and nothing is working out. for jobs, you either need experience, a masters degree, or you need to know someone, and i have none of the above. for internships, you need to apply months in advance, and i literally just missed the deadlines for summer and some fall programs. i didnt apply earlier because i was busy with the school that was a waste of time and then trying to figure out what i wanted to do. so now i am stuck, and it sucks. So I am thinking seriously about just getting a no frills job to make some money since i am spending money i dont have. sigh, what a mess.
the real reason this is hitting me now is because i just joined a gym, woohoo. its expensive, though i have been told most gyms are, and initiation fees are a bitch. so i shelled out some cash, bought some work clothes, and now am afraid to check out my balance. so, no fun spending for me, only eating the food i have bought, and going to the gym are going to be the rules i live by until i get the money that should be coming soon. i am worried though, a)that my money wont be free in time, and b)that i am relying on it way too much, saying i will get all this stuff when it is available. it is a finite amount of money, and i will need to continue to keep watch over my spending. sigh.
e necessario che ottengo un lavoro
Monday, February 4, 2008
giorno di santa valentine
day of saint valentine
so i read this book, and im not saying the name of it, because it will show more of my cheesy, romantic side, but i found this quote, and it is so true to how i feel that i wanted to post it...
"So, you wanna know what I want? I want it all. I want to be in love so much it hurts. The frissons. The pin pricks. The mind-blowing sex. The connection. And I want to be married with kids I adore and a husband who makes me feels safe, sexy, smart, secure, silly, serious, salacious, sinful, serene, satisfied. I want someone who makes me laugh until milk comes out of my nose (only I don't drink milk). I want to finish someone's sentences. I want to believe in someone, in something, in a future that's not just about laundry and soccer practice and subdivisions and minivans and guilt-tripping grandparents. I want to make someone a better person. I want to be a good example. I want to love some kids into the world. I want someone who stimulates my brain as much as my body. I want to taste everything and go everywhere. I want to give and I want to get. I want too much and I want it all in one person."
This quote basically sums up how I feel about everything. But I fear that there is no way one person can be all of that. So not only am I constantly thinking about this kind of thing, but it gets rubbed in around this time of year because Valentines Day. I get to see all of these lovey-dovey couples and know that they have what I want. Its basically like rubbing salt in the wound. So what is supposed to be a happy day, turns out to be a terrible day for us romantic single saps. So this Valentines Day I will be found by myself, probably making a fantastic dinner for myself, and drinking some amazing wine from Italy I have been saving for a special occasion, and what better occasion is there then an evening wallowing in self-pity. Sigh, ok moving on.
I cant believe it is February already.
giorno di santa valentine
...only 10 days away
Thursday, January 31, 2008
politica
politics
what a messy topic. right now i am watching the democratic political debate in los angeles, and i am seriously peeved with wolf blitzer, the moderator. he is trying to draw clinton and obama into a name-calling fight on each other rather than focusing the topics...and thats annoying. i was excited for this debate specifically because it is between the 2 front runners and it provides the opportunity to clearly see their differences. there is no need to make this a mud-slinging competition, like blitzer seems to want it to be. arg.
politics is generally a dirty business, though i wish it wasnt so. i dont think there is a need for negative ads or anything of the sort; instead i think the politicians should focus on promoting themselves rather than bringing their rival down. i know that will never be the case, but i can dream, right?
politica
Saturday, January 26, 2008
passando tempo
passing time
so it is the year 2008, and so much has happened, yet so little has changed. i hardly know where to begin.
i suppose i can start with new years eve, since i have wanted to vent on it for a long time. we had all planned on going to the gaslamp for nye, but justin and bean bailed bc it was expensive. i can understand that, but it bummed me out. so instead of going out with them, i decided to go with dano bc she was planning on going to the gaslamp. i knew there was a possibility that i would be the 5th wheel, but i also knew that could happen if i was the only girl with all guys, or the odd one out with the 2 couples in the gaslamp. so we went to the gaslamp, and i must say, ryan is pathetic to me now. he was drunk every time i saw him this past winter break and he just keeps asking to be kicked. dt itself was entertaining; lots of dancing, some weird guys, a bit of fighting between dano and ryan, and a terrible midnight kiss. the guys tongue was like a slug, and if that is what kissing is all about, i want none of it. after that, walking home, ryan was a complete ass. he wouldnt walk with us, our feet hurt, and he didnt want to listen when i knew we were going the wrong way. and then it got worse. we got back to the hotel, and he was all over dano. he was rubbing and kissing her feet, and she kept pushing him away, and he cried, and i just wanted to shake him. and then, when i was going to sleep elsewhere, i was convinced to sleep on the bed with the 2 of them, and i had a measly foot of space. when i woke up, ryan had spooned dano in the middle of the bed with a good 2 feet left over on his side. so rude and inconsiderate. i was ready to say good bye when he left...and then he was at danos house when we got there. so i left immediately. i am just over it. he is like a dog who gets kicked by its owner, but keeps coming back in hopes of getting love.
on another note, i am back in dc. just when i thought life was all set, it is going topsy turvy again. i love my apartment and my roommate and her friends all seem great. my room is slowly but surely being put together and I truly enjoy it. when it comes to school however, my life is a mess. i was so excited about going to iwp, because it has such an interesting program and i am so interested in intelligence. however, before you can take any of those classes, you have to take certain pre-reqs. when i first read about them i thought they would be okay, but the classes are not what they seem. instead of being a class on ir, all we talked about was religion and rights, and everything has a conservative bent. if i had known that prior to attending class, i never would have agreed to go there. so now my hopes for this school are dashed and i am a bit at a loss. so i went back to au to check it out, and i think i will be happy there. i enjoy lawso, and studying it more can only help. i am not interested in law school, but i am fascinated by law in general. so maybe instead of going into the field of intelligence i can go into another field and still do good for the nation. i dont know. but i do know that the campus of au is more along the lines of what i am looking for. i mean, they actually have separate buildings and a bookstore and more than 200 students...per college. all in all, i think it will be a good decision to go there. the only downside is that i am now in dc, with an apartment, and nothing to do. i plan on getting a job, but it is so difficult, more so than i had imagined at first. when i think about what i wrote earlier about not being a huge fan of iwp and but how i felt that way about ucsb at first, i think that can actually be applied to au. i knew from the start that iwp was a bit odd and different, but i think that the way i feel about au will change as i attend. i do think though that i need to move closer to au, or at least to a metro. in the mean time, i need to find something to do with myself.
i suppose thats enough for now, its just amazing how quickly time passes on.
passando tempo
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