Voglio quello

i want that

i was sitting on the metro today on my way to visit dano, and though i fully intended to read, i was distracted by this disgustingly cute couple. they were not all pda and obnoxious, they were quite simply perfect. they were sitting in a seat facing into the car right next to the doors, and they held hands most of the way, whispered sweet nothings in each others ears, nuzzled each other, kissed, conversed, and above all else, seemed supremely happy. i watched them covertly, through their reflection on the window and as i glanced around the car, and all i could think about as i headed towards alexandria was, "i want that."

voglio quello

bel canto

beautiful song

"falling slowly" from once

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

bel canto

vita

life

nothing can prepare us for what life brings. sometimes it is something absolutely surprising and wonderful, and other times it is the worst possible event that could be imagined. finding out mom was ill was kind of an eye opener, especially when after the weekend was over, she was on the mend, and one of my closest friends mom died. what do you say in that kind of situation? i have no idea how she is feeling, and all i feel i can really do is be there to lend an ear or a shoulder. too bad im on the other side of the country. i really cant imagine life without my mom. at times she drives me crazy and i wish i was on a desert island so she couldnt contact me, but then i have the slightest issue and what do i do first? i call my mom. its kind of a contradiction, but im sure lots of people feel this way.
the good thing about being home was that i got to see some friends. i did get to see alexandra on friday, so i was able to talk with her about her mom before everything happened. so even though i cant be there for her now, i can feel good about being able to see her at all that weekend. i got to see justin and mel along with some others who i havent seen in a while, so that was nice too. i didnt get to see bean. :( that makes me sad. i did talk to him online for a bit which was nice, but i would still have liked to see him. then again, i just need to get over whatever i may feel, seeing as i dont even know what it is, sigh. i also didnt get to see neil, and i feel 2 ways about that. i am sad bc he has been a friend for so long, but i was ok with it at the same time bc he is almost too much to deal with at times. i feel guilty for thinking that, but its the truth, so there it is.
starting friday or saturday i will be alone here until the 10th. i know i will be fine on my own, but i also know i will be a bit lonely. i should make a list of everything i want to do in dc and do it while i can. not that i cant do that now, but now i have someone to talk to every day, whereas in a week i will be on my own. maybe i will finally open my bottle of wine too, lol.
i am tired of feeling so alone out here though. i love the city, i get to see dano about once a week, i have a great roommate, a great apt, and yet, i feel alone. jeez im lame. i just need to go out there and make something for myself and stop sitting here.
this entry is a mess, but then again, so am i and so is life, so i guess it fits.

vita

timore

fear

it is absolutely nerve-wracking when your mother is in the hospital and you are on the other side of the country and unable to do anything but sit and wait for news.

timore

sono solo per la settimana

i am alone for the week

my roommate is gone again. her boyfriend is in boston, and their one year anniversary was a couple days ago, so she went to see him today, and to go to a really nice hotel or something to celebrate. so yay for her, but once again, i am all alone. i kind of wish i had someone i could call to say "hey, i have the place to myself, come on over and lets have some fun." BUT, even if i did know someone out here like that, i dont think i could ever be that kind of person.  though it might be kind of nice not having any inhibitions or anything for once. sigh. 

this experience of being on my own has taught me a couple things about myself. one thing is that i can be happy on my own for days at a time. however, it has also taught me that i like having other people around too. so while i can be by myself, i prefer company, as long as i have my own special place to retreat to. 

i suppose one reason i am kind for in a melancholy mood is because it has been raining non-stop for almost 24 hours. we have already had over an inch, and its just rain, but its freaking cold out there too. plus, good old valentines day is tomorrow, when i plan on opening my bottle of yummy wine and celebrating not having to buy someone a gift just because hallmark says i should. 

so, i may be alone for the week, but i am going to relax, explore a bit, and enjoy myself...and then be ridiculously happy when my roomie returns next tuesday. :)

sono solo per la settimana

ho un problema

I have a problem.

I am addicted to books. I cannot enter a bookstore and not buy a book. They can be history, current events, picture books, romance, mystery... i am a fan of all of them.
in my last entry i mentioned no more fun spending...as you can tell, that lasted all of 2 days. sigh.
books just make me happy. they are full of knowledge and/or entertainment, and i could spend hours with books every day and be satisfied with life.

ho un problema.

è necessario che ottengo un lavoro

it is necessary that i get a job

i am so tired of sitting here. i have been looking up jobs and internships, and nothing is working out. for jobs, you either need experience, a masters degree, or you need to know someone, and i have none of the above. for internships, you need to apply months in advance, and i literally just missed the deadlines for summer and some fall programs. i didnt apply earlier because i was busy with the school that was a waste of time and then trying to figure out what i wanted to do. so now i am stuck, and it sucks. So I am thinking seriously about just getting a no frills job to make some money since i am spending money i dont have. sigh, what a mess.

the real reason this is hitting me now is because i just joined a gym, woohoo. its expensive, though i have been told most gyms are, and initiation fees are a bitch. so i shelled out some cash, bought some work clothes, and now am afraid to check out my balance. so, no fun spending for me, only eating the food i have bought, and going to the gym are going to be the rules i live by until i get the money that should be coming soon. i am worried though, a)that my money wont be free in time, and b)that i am relying on it way too much, saying i will get all this stuff when it is available. it is a finite amount of money, and i will need to continue to keep watch over my spending. sigh.

e necessario che ottengo un lavoro

giorno di santa valentine

day of saint valentine

so i read this book, and im not saying the name of it, because it will show more of my cheesy, romantic side, but i found this quote, and it is so true to how i feel that i wanted to post it...

"So, you wanna know what I want? I want it all. I want to be in love so much it hurts. The frissons. The pin pricks. The mind-blowing sex. The connection. And I want to be married with kids I adore and a husband who makes me feels safe, sexy, smart, secure, silly, serious, salacious, sinful, serene, satisfied. I want someone who makes me laugh until milk comes out of my nose (only I don't drink milk). I want to finish someone's sentences. I want to believe in someone, in something, in a future that's not just about laundry and soccer practice and subdivisions and minivans and guilt-tripping grandparents. I want to make someone a better person. I want to be a good example. I want to love some kids into the world. I want someone who stimulates my brain as much as my body. I want to taste everything and go everywhere. I want to give and I want to get. I want too much and I want it all in one person."

This quote basically sums up how I feel about everything. But I fear that there is no way one person can be all of that. So not only am I constantly thinking about this kind of thing, but it gets rubbed in around this time of year because Valentines Day. I get to see all of these lovey-dovey couples and know that they have what I want. Its basically like rubbing salt in the wound. So what is supposed to be a happy day, turns out to be a terrible day for us romantic single saps. So this Valentines Day I will be found by myself, probably making a fantastic dinner for myself, and drinking some amazing wine from Italy I have been saving for a special occasion, and what better occasion is there then an evening wallowing in self-pity. Sigh, ok moving on.

I cant believe it is February already.

giorno di santa valentine

...only 10 days away