tutto accade per un motivo

everything happens for a reason

so i didnt get into georgetown. i have to admit that i am not really surprised. i knew it once i called to check and i heard the tone of voice of the guy who was helping me. so, while it is not surprising, it is still disappointing.

i have decided though that everything happens for a reason and that i should just go to the IWP. i mean, i stumbled across this school which has really interesting classes that really interest me, and i was accepted. maybe it was a sign. i was so excited at first, and then i got less excited as i began to explore. but i remember that i wasnt totally excited about going to UCSB int he beginning, and I ended up loving it. so, i am going to take it as it comes, and enjoy my new school.

so, now that i have no doubt about the school i am going to, i am doubting my ability as a graduate student. i think i will be fine, but i dont know. what if i start school, cant cut it, and have to drop out? how disappointing would that be to both myself, my parents, and my grandparents. Failure is just not an option. I hope it doesnt happen.

i keep telling myself to have faith, and i hope it soon works.

tutto accade per un motivo

Molte Domande

Many Questions.

My life is changing. I am changing. I think it is mostly for the good, but who knows until it happens.
I am flying to DC on the 13th, and I will be living in a hotel for the week while I search for housing. I dont know if it is stupid or brave to assume I will be able to find what I want within that week. I think I have found a place to live, but it is ridiculously expensive. Plus, it is close to Georgetown, but what if I dont get in? Will I hate walking being by the university that I didnt get into if in fact I dont get in? And, is it really worth it? It is twice as expensive as my most expensive apartment in college. That is just insane. Yet, it seems nice, my possible roommate seems nice, it is fairly close to a metro stop, it is in Georgetown which is a great place to live, and there is good shopping nearby. Am I just looking for complications? I really dont know. I guess we will just have to wait and see.
And then there are boys. Last night I went out with Melissa, Justin, and Bean. We met up with Nav, Eric, and Neil for Eric's 21st Birthday. It was fun, but my favorite part was when we were at J Bar. I guess the reason I liked it so much us because everyone was absolutely hysterical while drunk. Justin just really cracks me up. And then there was the fact that I got to share a chair. It was cute and fun. Up close and personal, butterflies in the stomach, haha. Im such a nerd. At any rate, it was fun. Yet, I am still too shy to ever do anything. At one point in the night Eric and Nav passed a "secret" that it looke like he was putting the moves on me because of the way we were sitting, but I dont know if either one of us even know how to make the moves.
Which leads me to another issue...sex. I hate not knowing. I want to just lose it already, but I cant because I have already waited this long. But on one hand I hear of Dano with multiple guys, and on the other I hear Justin talking about how he has "sex songs" and arguing with Bean about which songs are better for that something else. I wonder if they know Im a big fat V. My guess is that they dont, but who knows. Anyway, it amazes me that people like Neil have had it, and I havent. It also depresses me. I wonder why? Why am I so picky and why am I never the one chosen? Talk about frustrating.
Ugh, I guess i am done for now since i am tired of typing.
So many questions running in my mind.

Molte Domande