life
nothing can prepare us for what life brings. sometimes it is something absolutely surprising and wonderful, and other times it is the worst possible event that could be imagined. finding out mom was ill was kind of an eye opener, especially when after the weekend was over, she was on the mend, and one of my closest friends mom died. what do you say in that kind of situation? i have no idea how she is feeling, and all i feel i can really do is be there to lend an ear or a shoulder. too bad im on the other side of the country. i really cant imagine life without my mom. at times she drives me crazy and i wish i was on a desert island so she couldnt contact me, but then i have the slightest issue and what do i do first? i call my mom. its kind of a contradiction, but im sure lots of people feel this way.
the good thing about being home was that i got to see some friends. i did get to see alexandra on friday, so i was able to talk with her about her mom before everything happened. so even though i cant be there for her now, i can feel good about being able to see her at all that weekend. i got to see justin and mel along with some others who i havent seen in a while, so that was nice too. i didnt get to see bean. :( that makes me sad. i did talk to him online for a bit which was nice, but i would still have liked to see him. then again, i just need to get over whatever i may feel, seeing as i dont even know what it is, sigh. i also didnt get to see neil, and i feel 2 ways about that. i am sad bc he has been a friend for so long, but i was ok with it at the same time bc he is almost too much to deal with at times. i feel guilty for thinking that, but its the truth, so there it is.
starting friday or saturday i will be alone here until the 10th. i know i will be fine on my own, but i also know i will be a bit lonely. i should make a list of everything i want to do in dc and do it while i can. not that i cant do that now, but now i have someone to talk to every day, whereas in a week i will be on my own. maybe i will finally open my bottle of wine too, lol.
i am tired of feeling so alone out here though. i love the city, i get to see dano about once a week, i have a great roommate, a great apt, and yet, i feel alone. jeez im lame. i just need to go out there and make something for myself and stop sitting here.
this entry is a mess, but then again, so am i and so is life, so i guess it fits.
vita
1 comment:
open the bottle already, dangit!! haha :)
And yeah, totally understandable about feeling alone and isolated. Blazing a new trail is always going to start off like that. For me it's kind of getting better, but I've been here six months already and I'm sort of on the tail end of everything.
So head up! You'll get there soon :) Unfortunately, it just takes time...
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