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I want the rain.

Today it is cloudy and looks like rain. I want it. I dont know what it is, but rain makes me feel cozy. Its good thinking weather too.
When I woke up this morning I realized how stressed I am. I carry all of my tension in my shoulders, and right now, it hurts to move them I am so tense.
And this is why I am tense...Im putting off turning in my Georgetown App so I can make it perfect, but I have little hope of getting in there anyway. I have all of these people tell me I am smart and I can get in wherever I apply, but I just dont feel that way. Apparently I do a great job of putting on an act bc no one realizes how insecure I really am. I am insecure about guys, school, finding a job, moving, etc. I feel like I am stuck in limbo, not growing up, but not slowing down enough to be able to fix it. And this is all my fault. If I moved to DC right now I would begin the next stage in my life. Yet I am so scared that I will screw it up that I havent done it. Same with the application. Im tired of thinking and worrying about this. I need something to happen to get my mind off of it.
At the same time as all of this, I have friends who are getting jobs and moving to other countries. I want that. I want to be doing something exciting. I remember last year, when I studied in Italy and DC. It was probably the best 6 months of my life. And a year later I am sitting at home all day every day. Im tired of the monotony, but unless I am the one to change it, nothing is going to happen.
Therefore it is all on me.
I can feel my shoulders getting more tense.

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