Freakouts

Today I had a minor freakout that I kept from becoming a major freakout, but it took some work. Most of the time I'm ok with my diagnosis and don't think about it too much. Sometimes though, I can't help but look at my moles and wonder, has it changed? did it grow? has that always been there? what if something is growing under my skin and I can't see it? I really don't want to die from this. Today in the shower, I don't know why, but I definitely had a moment. Maybe it's because my 3-month dermatologist visit in in less than 3 weeks, or maybe its the realization I had recently that my whole life has to be looked at differently now, or the possible trip to Israel. I don't know, but what I do know is that I don't like that feeling. And while I do need to keep an eye on my moles and skin in general, I need to make sure I don't let myself get overwhelmed or freak myself out. I'm being proactive, I'm staying out of the sun, I'm going to the doctor every three months. What more can I do? Some things are just out of my hands. If I have another melanoma, then I will follow the steps that need to be taken. I have to trust in my doctor, and that he will spot any other moles that could be cancerous. I just need to let it go and let it be. I'm allowed to worry, but not to go overboard. I think this is something that is going to take work, but this is my life now. I need to suck it up and deal with it.