What this also means is that I am not some stupid little twit who chose to work in retail because I thought it was a great career. In fact, I generally hate you, the customer, because you are an idiot. I don't say this because I am smarter than you, though I probably am, but because truly, you are an idiot. To remedy this, I have put together this list of informative facts:
-Being nice never hurt anyone, and in fact, can get you more than being rude might.
-Yes, the price on the tag is how much it costs.
-Two of the same item, but in different colors are different prices you say? Shocking. I guess that means different colors are different prices. Just like always.
-I'm sorry for accosting you when you walk through the door, but its my job to greet you. Please just take pity and acknowledge me so I don't feel like any more of an idiot than I already do.
-I'm sorry for asking if you want to open up a store card. Its part of my job description. Lets just move on.
-There is no need to bring items inside-out to the registers. You know I can't throw a wadded up item of clothing into your bag, so if you want to get out of the store faster, at least put the clothes right side out.
-The fitting rooms are not your bedroom floor. Throwing clothes into a pile is rude. Do you want to try on clothes someone else has thrown into a corner with their shoes? Didn't think so.
-Yes it is my job description to fold the clothes, but is it really necessary to topple a stack you just watched me fold after I asked if I could grab you a size?
-When I am ringing up your purchases and the prices don't match what you saw on the tag, please do not jump down my throat. Nine times out of ten I know this, but it takes me a couple of seconds to manually fixit. Patience is a virtue. I suggest you get some.
-Saying you don't speak English to avoid talking to a salesperson is just rude. We don't really want to talk to you anyway.
-Talking on your cell phone at the register is also rude. I mean really, can you not put the phone down for 2 minutes? I don't want to hear about how you hate your mother, your boyfriend, or your roommate. I also don't want you to come back with questions when I could have answered them before. Just call them back.
-If you have worn it, we are not taking it back.
-I'm sorry it didn't fit, but you had 30 days to bring it back and were too lazy to do so. You snooze, you lose, and we won't take the return.
-No receipt? Bummer. Store credit is the best you are going to get, and that's pretty damn generous. For all I know, you walked in, picked it up, and now want to "return" it. Deal.
-Yeah, you're cute, and I'm embarrassed to be seen working here in front of you. That's why there will be no eye contact.
-Guys my age trying to flirt is okay. Weird old men? Not so much.
-The sign says "select styles only." I promise. No, I'm not going to make an exception. Just read the whole damn sign.
-If the sign says "3 for $24," it only applies to the table. Please do not mix and match and hope to get away with it. I'm smarter than that.
-No, I don't know when the next sale is.
-I'm sorry you forgot your coupon, but you are SOL.
I know I could add more, but all of this is basic common sense. In other words, the fact that you don't know or understand any of this is what makes you an idiot and adds to my hatred of you. Once you fix it, we can all move on. Unfortunately, I doubt you will try to fix it. Luckily, I do not intend on being in retail forever, and hope to be gone by the summer. Until that happy day, I will continue to answer your ridiculous questions, help the rude and obnoxious customers, and watch all of my hard work be ruined by inconsiderate people who do not care that I just folded that entire table that you have single handedly torn apart.
Happy shopping.
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